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The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
By
Rebecca Brents


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I stumbled across your site by accident about a year ago and admit to being a skeptic. Over the last year or so I have been stunned by the accuracy of your tarot predictions each week. This Sunday's prediction was for the end to financial hardship. On Monday I received an offer of employment which arrived after over a year of unemployment due to illness. Not only was it a job for which I am well qualified, but also a 40% pay increase over what I was earning before I became unwell, and working in an industry I had never before considered. This not the first time you have been correct -- you've predicted major arguments, frustrations, and unexpected travel. I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't more to tarot than meets the eye!

A visitor to Enchanted Spirit

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I REALLY needed your encouragement ...but light bulbs went on so I know this is more than special!

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The Tarot Court Cards: Archetypal Patterns of Relationship in the Minor Arcana
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Family Matters

Can Men Join the Family?
by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC
Mark Brandenburg

Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.
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 Fixing Dads and Their Kids  Family Matters
Contents
 When a Family Member Has Clinical Depression 

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Can Men Join the Family?
by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC



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I needed a screwdriver. Passing the bag of recycled cans on the steps, I went straight to the tool shed in the garage and claimed my screwdriver. "Why would you walk right by this bag of cans and not take it out to the garage?" my wife shrieked.

"Well, I was thinking about the screwdriver and didn't notice the cans," I said defensively.

As my wife left the area shaking her head, I knew that I was guilty of a specific offense -- being male. You see, we males are interested in goals and tasks to be done. When we have a task, very little is allowed to get in the way. It's a trait shared by most males, and one that drives many wives to the brink of insanity.

This fundamental difference in men and women is the source of most of the conflicts that occur between husbands and wives in our country today. He focuses on tasks to be done and individual goals, and she focuses on the relationships in the family, or what needs arise for the family as a whole. Both sides believe that they have the same priorities -- to help the family. But when each side is coming from such a vastly different perspective, conversations can fall apart in a matter of moments.

"What more does she want?" I used to say to myself. "I'm doing all these things around the house!" What she really wanted was for me to pay closer attention to the family as a whole. She wanted me to think about whether lunches were packed for the next day and whether our daughter should be playing soccer or some other activity. She wanted me to think about a better system in the morning to get the kids off to school. And yes, she wanted me to take out the recycling bags when I was on my way out the door anyway.

As a father and husband, I've seen the value in seeing the family from the "whole" perspective. I feel better able to stay close to the lives of my kids. My wife appreciates the help and feels like she has a "partner" in the family. My kids see what a loving relationship really looks like. And in a country with a divorce rate of around 50%, modeling a committed relationship to your kids is an incredible gift. There may be no other thing you can do for your kids that will have as much influence.

If you're a husband and father who's interested in figuring out the needs of your family, rather than what tasks need to be done, here are some ideas:

  • Start by just trying to use a "needs of the family" focus for one day. See what changes happen for you, and go from there. Sometimes all you need is a starting point.

  • Take account of the areas where you need to improve (your wife will help you identify them quickly!). These might be spending more time in planning for the family, time with the kids, etc.

  • Write down the ways in which you may be diverting your time and energy away from being more involved in the needs of your family. This might be TV, golf, work that isn't absolutely necessary, etc.

  • Find a way to shift from the goal--directed mode at work to the needs--directed mode at home. Use the drive home to make this shift. Start by thinking of questions you can ask your family and what your family might need.

Men aren't to blame for the problems in American families today. But they do have opportunities to make their family life better and more fulfilling. They have a chance to improve the lives of everyone in their family by taking the risk that all family men face: the risk of being intimately involved in their family. The risk of being incompetent and messy at things they're not good at. And diving into a place where there's nothing to "fix."

American families don't need "men as islands" anymore. They need men who are willing to join with their families in a way they may never have learned.

And if they have the courage to learn this new way, I don't think their families are going to mind a few mistakes.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships.

He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents, and author of "Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" Ecourse.

Mark's Ebooks and Courses


The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
Born June 22, 1906


 Fixing Dads and Their Kids  Family Matters
Contents
 When a Family Member Has Clinical Depression 

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Last updated February 4th, 2005

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