Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
By
Rebecca Brents
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Shame on You |
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Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / Family Matters
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| Accepting Your Child's Mistakes | Family Matters Contents |
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Shame on You
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by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC
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Here are some steps to limit or avoid the impact of shame on your family:
Look at your own history of shame, and how it's triggered by your children. Try to find the irrational thoughts and messages that are getting you into trouble. Get to know these triggers well, and be prepared for them.
Get to know your child's reaction to shame, and how quickly they can reconnect with you after a shaming episode. Never forget that your child wants to be in a positive, loving relationship with you. The sooner you can reconnect after a shaming episode, the better.
Tell your children that shaming messages happen, and that most parents (and most kids) say irrational things and act in irrational ways at times. This will help them to process what's happened to them.
Be the first one to initiate better feelings between you and your child after a shaming episode. If it takes awhile for your child to recover, be patient with the process, but don't stop trying to reconnect.
Don't beat yourself up after you shame your child. This only gets you caught up in the same cycle of shame that you unleashed on your child. Practice the art of being kind and gentle with yourself.
My son finished cleaning up the food, and sat back down at the table with a long look on his face. He didn't look ready to reconnect with his Dad anytime soon.
Thanks for cleaning up, buddy. If you're done eating, you can wrestle this big, mean daddy to the ground in the family room.
After shaking his head, a corner of his mouth curled up. Seconds later, we were doing battle on the family room floor.
This shaming episode was over, and the recovery was rapid. But the expression of shame does a great deal of damage to our kids, and it's ready to rush forward in a heartbeat.
Learning more about your own legacy of shame can be the first step towards lessening the frequency of these unconscious reactions. All it takes is a willingness to visit a difficult part of your past, and a determination to leave a better legacy for your own family.
We didn't deserve shame when we were kids.
Our kids don't, either.
(c) 2006 Mark Brandenburg, All rights reserved.
Page: 1 2
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships.
He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents, and author of "Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" Ecourse.
If our people are to fight their way out of bondage we must arm them with the sword and the shield and the buckler of pride.
~ Mary McLeod Bethune ~
Born July 10, 1875
| Accepting Your Child's Mistakes | Family Matters Contents |
Fathers and Holidays |
Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / Family Matters
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Last updated March 1st, 2006
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