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Forgiving your Father for Father's Day Part 1 by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC Mark Brandenburg |
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Forgiving your Father for Father's Day Part 1 by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC

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The memory of my father stays with me like a shadow.
It's a shadow filled with a complex array of gratitude, sadness, disappointment, and awe. It is the same for all men, for there's no escaping these memories. They are deeply imbedded in us, and they impact us every day of our lives.
And whether you're trying to live up to your father's expectations, prove him wrong, or rid your memory of him, the shadow of your father will remain. Each effort demands its' own cost. And each effort will keep the shadow close to you.
When you have children, the memories of your father grow stronger. The wounds that haven't healed are poised to be inflicted on them. We all carry wounds from our father. We all feel the pain of not "measuring up" in some way. But whatever your wounds, it's important to remember this: What is not healed in you will show up in your children. It will show up no matter how hard you fight against it, and no matter how hard you try "not to be your father." It will show up, and transcend all your efforts to prevent it.
What's left to us is a simple choice. Would we like to live with these wounds, and transfer them to our sons and daughters, or would we like to explore them, and find a way to heal them? To be an effective father is to understand the power of the memories you make with your child each day. These memories can be touched by the wounds from your childhood, or they can be touched by forgiveness and love. And while the path to forgiveness can be difficult, it's worth every ounce of effort you give it. And most importantly, it is a gift to your children, and the generations that follow them.
The first step towards following this path is to identify the wounds that stay with you. In his book, "The Wisdom of the Journey," Don Jones said, "Until a man learns what went wrong in his father relationship and finds healing for it, he never arrives at mature manhood." To learn what went wrong in your father relationship, it's helpful to ask yourself some questions. And since our issues with our fathers are so often associated with anger towards our kids, this is a good place to start. There are three key questions you can ask yourself:
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Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships.
He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents, and author of "Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" Ecourse.
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The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. ~ Marcus Aurelius Antoninus ~ Born April, 121
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