Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
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Rebecca Brents
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Should Parents Reward Their Children? |
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Should Parents Reward Their Children?
Part 2
by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCCPage: 1 2
"Rewards and punishment can change behavior (for a while), but they cannot change the person who engages in the behavior, at least in the way we want. No behavioral manipulation ever helped a child develop a commitment to become a caring and responsible person. No reward for doing something we approve of ever gave a child a reason for continuing to act that way when there was no longer any reward to be gained for doing so."
Parents can also remember how important it is to allow your young children to help out with tasks around the house (without being rewarded!) Children naturally want to help out their parents and to be a part of the family chores. Some researchers have suggested that one of the main factors responsible for success and happiness in adults is how involved they were in doing household chores when they were as young as age three or four!
Parents can tap into this natural inclination of children to be involved in family chores and allow them opportunities to be active participants. While it's easy to do things yourself because of how messy or slow your children may be, this early "training" is invaluable.
Parents who don't start this early training may find their older children either unwilling to help out or expecting rewards for their services.
Here are some action steps for parents concerning rewards:
Look at how you are doing or not doing rewards now. Are you promising candy for behaving well at grandma's house? Even the smallest rewards now can set the table for bigger expectations by your kids in the future.
Start giving your kids tasks that they can be responsible for at a very early age. See them as capable of it and treat them that way.
Talk often about how you are a family that works together and cooperates with each other in order to complete the tasks that need to be done.
Use subtle rewards with your kids. As soon as you clean up you can go to grandma's, can work very well. If you clean up I'll give you some candy, will usually turn around and bite you in the rear later on.
Parents can help give their children a sense of helping and shared responsibility for the family which can last a lifetime. The idea of cooperation for kids needs to be developed and nurtured.
They learn it from the inside out. Help your kids to learn it and you'll both benefit.Page: 1 2
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships.
He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents, and author of "Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" Ecourse.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the moment.
~ Robert Benchley ~
Born September 15, 1889
| Under Their Thumb ... | Family Matters Contents |
Ways to Avoid Arguing With Your Wife |
Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / Family Matters
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Last updated June 6th, 2004
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