The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
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Should Parents Reward Their Children? |
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Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / Family Matters
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Should Parents Reward Their Children?
Part 1
by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC
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Page: 1 2
For many years there's been a debate about rewarding our children. Does it work? Should I do it and if so what kind of rewards should I use?
If rewards did work they would help us to raise responsible and well-adjusted children. Let's look at how rewards really do work.
To use rewards, we establish a standard with our kids and give them something if they meet this standard. Punishment can be given out in much the same way, but it's used when certain standards of performance, behavior, etc. have not been met.
The problem here is not that rewards and punishments don't have immediate results. They often do have quick results. Kids often will become more obedient when threatened with punishment and work hard when promised a valuable reward.
The problem is what happens when you aren't around.
To develop responsible, self-disciplined kids, parents can promote certain ideas. One of these ideas might be that everyone pitches in and helps in your family. Another might be that there can be enjoyment in doing any task if we choose to make it so. Even if it's a task we don't like doing we understand that it's for a good cause (our family can enjoy the house more because I helped clean it).
This is how we help them develop an intrinsic sense of value. When our children have this intrinsic sense of value they'll be more responsible, more disciplined, and they'll control their emotions better.
They learn that we often do things because there's some inherent value in doing these things and that they're necessary and sometimes even enjoyable!
When we give rewards to our kids we significantly reduce the intrinsic sense of value they have for that activity. We also create children who may temporarily perform to a certain standard but who aren't likely to continue the performance without the carrot dangling in front of them. These kinds of values must come from inside them.
In his book, Punished by Rewards (1993), author Alfie Kohn writes, "But if we are ultimately concerned with the kind of people our children will become, there are no shortcuts. Good values have to be grown from the inside out."Page: 1 2
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships.
He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents, and author of "Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" Ecourse.
Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be half asleep all winter is so strong in me.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
Born June 22, 1906
| Under Their Thumb ... | Family Matters Contents |
Ways to Avoid Arguing With Your Wife |
Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / Family Matters
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| Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it. |
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Last updated June 6th, 2004
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