Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
By
Rebecca Brents
from the Mailbox
Where have you been all these years?
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Things I've Learned from My Children |
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The Psychiatrist's Psalm |
Things I've Learned from My Children
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For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jello.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5 minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
It will however make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities,
of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.
~ Queen Elizabeth II ~
Born April 21, 1926
| Excerpts from a Cat's Diary | Catweasel's Corner Contents |
The Psychiatrist's Psalm |
Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / Catweasel's Corner
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| Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it. |
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Last updated August 18th, 2003
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