Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
By
Rebecca Brents

Astrology Coaching
Live Your Life by Divine Design

Learn in detail about your character, the way you were built to operate, the life you were meant to live, how you were designed to support yourself with money, in relationships, and with work that honors the unique spirit you are.

Is This Your Year of Living Prosperously?

Take a journey through your birth chart as never before.

Real Astrology ...
for people who take
their lives seriously.

Enroll in
Astrology Coaching
TODAY!!

Cut through the confusion.

See clearly

Think better

Make informed choices

Discover why the Tarot has intrigued, informed, and interested spiritual seekers for centuries.

What is your life''s biggest question?

Get a reading on Your Situation

Join our
Astrology and Tarot
Premium Membership
TODAY!!

Lighting Your Path! How To Create the Life You Want
By
Joanne Victoria

Astrology is for Believers.

With an open mind and a knowledge of Astrology you can watch your life unfold in ways that make sense.

You can understand the demands of change and "what's really going on" in a crisis.

Whether in a gentle push in the right direction or in a "hard knock upside the head," you can read the message behind what life is asking of you.

Real Astrology ...
for people who take
their lives seriously.

Join our
Astrology and Tarot
Premium Membership
TODAY!!

Why Does the Tarot Work? hear the lecture in The Auditorium

	A Cat's Guide to Human Beings
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

    Email This Page to a Friend    

A Cat's Guide to Human Beings

Astrology for Real Life
Tarot Readings that Make Sense
All written in plain English.

Available in our
Astrology and Tarot
Premium Membership Section

Discover the difference
knowledge and preparation
can make in your life!

Join our
Astrology and Tarot
Premium Membership
today!!

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?

   So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats that have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence.What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS... which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do for ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere near as easy to train.

2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention

   Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping. Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

   • Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children.

   • Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being

   Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle, but nonetheless effective, alternatives:

   • Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.

   • Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.

   • Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.

   • After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall cupboard and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.

   • While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?

   The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented. However, after much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following:

   • Cold blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?

   You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.

Men judge us by the success of our efforts.
God looks at the efforts themselves.
~ Charlotte Bronte ~
Author of Jane Eyre
Born April 21, 1816

Please click on the titles to visit these fine areas of Enchanted Spirit

---

	PO Box 1080 Sandia Park · NM · 87047

Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it.

---

This site is hosted and maintained for Enchanted Spirit by

Catweasel Ink

Copyright © 1999 - 2008 by Enchanted Spirit and Catweasel Ink.
Contributed works copyright by their respective authors. All rights reserved.
Unauthorized reproduction specifically prohibited.

Last updated August 18th, 2003

Rebecca is not available
right now.


Please check back
later
CLICK HERE FOR
MORE INFO

Astrology is for Believers.

With Real Astrology as your compass, you can recognize what's right for you, work with your natural gifts and rhythms, understand the dynamics of your relationships, and take your place more easily in Life's natural flow.

Real Astrology ...
for people who take
their lives seriously.

Join our
Astrology and Tarot
Premium Membership
TODAY!!

Tired of insipid, canned astrology reports full of white space and mysterious jargon?

We specialize in useful, practical, plain English information ... and lots of it!!

The difference between real astrology and the "daily horoscope in the newspaper" will amaze you.

Join our
Astrology and Tarot
Premium Membership
TODAY!!

Making the Gods Work for You : The Astrological Language of the Psyche
By
Caroline Casey