The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
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He came well-recommended; in fact he was the brother of a friend of Shelly's (not her real name) who thought they'd make a great couple. He took her to a beautiful restaurant and had nice manners, but something about the conversation just wasn't right. She couldn't really put a finger on the reason why, but Shelly got a bad feeling and ended the date early.
Two weeks later this tax attorney in the $1000 suit was indicted for fixing some client's books (and later convicted), and yes, his sister was the last to know.
Shelly's brain was telling her he was a great date, but her female intuition, or "gut," as men call it, was telling her he wasn't. Shelly was glad she went with her gut.
The Brain-Gut Connection
Incidentally there's a reason why intuition is called "gut instinct." Both our intestines ("gut") and our brains originate from the same tissue which later separates into the central nervous system, and the enteric nervous system. They remain connected by the vagus nerve, the longest cranial nerve which starts in the brain stem (primitive brain) and wanders ("vagus" means "wandering") on down to the abdomen.
This is referred to as the "brain-gut connection." There are about as many neurotransmitters in the gut as in the brain, and the same hormones and chemicals, which led cell biologist, Michael Gerson, M.D., to title his book on the subject, "The Second Brain."
So pay attention to your gut! As one of my favorite writers on intuition, Mr. Mafioso, on askmen.com says, "Brains are there to remind you of people's names, as well as the PIN number of your Swiss bank account, not as a decision making tool."
He clarifies the distinction by pointing out that "the brain [in our heads] is packed with lessons that other people tried to teach you, while your gut feeling is not something you can take a course in at your local junior college."
Intuition, or gut feeling, is an emotional intelligence competency, and a crucial one for keeping you safe. After all, what happens in real life never seems to have been covered in the text book. That's why I teach EQ to people the way I do, i.e., teaching them principles and how to apply them, not a list of rules. You will then be equipped to deal with the varied situations of real life which I can't anticipate, and neither can you.
Where Does Intution Come From?
Instinctual reactions do come from the brain in our heads, which is actually conceptualized as three brains. Our primitive brain, the first to evolve, is designed for survival -- of us (defense) and of the species (reproduction), and it sends strong messages alerting us to danger.
A later-evolved part of the brain is the neocortex, the seat of thinking, reason and logic. When faced with a decision, it's good to note how you feel and then analyze the situation; just don't skip the messages from your gut. And when in doubt, go with your gut. It's usually more reliable.
This man Shelly dated had everything her mother taught her to look for in a suitable husband, but he "didn't pass the smell test," another reference to our more primitive, sensual ways of knowing. In other words, "he stunk."
If you try and rely only on the neocortex, and data such as words and numbers, you can get in trouble.
Good For Business Decisions Too
I think of Ron, who bought a bookstore doomed to fail. The owner showed a profit on the books, and Ron's accountant agreed. Ron's gut might have prompted him to wonder why the woman was so eager to sell the store she was throwing in a 2-year lease gratis, and maybe there were other cues he missed.
Sometimes in a negotiation a flick of the wrist, or a sleeting look in the eye can tell you more than a financial spreadsheet, especially it gives you a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, or a chill running down your spine.
And For Personal-Life Decisions
And then there's Sam, whose logic told him that his fiancée's Ph.D. in psychology meant she was mentally healthy and stable, and a good choice for marriage.
"Who can you trust if you can't trust a licensed psychologist?" lamented Sam, after the nasty divorce. Intellectually convinced that she 'had' to be a good match, Sam ignored all evidence to the contrary. In such situations, regarding others, we say, "his mind was made up and he wasn't confused by the facts." What we really mean is he had made a decision intellectually and then refused to pay attention to any sources of information that weren't intellectual.
The challenge in love affairs, is that sex ushers in a massive dose of "feel good" chemicals which cloud thinking, and over-ride bad feelings in other areas. (That's why some people jump into bed to "make up" after a fight.) T
herefore, it's smart to spend time with the person and get a clear picture about them before entering the stage of physical intimacy. Sitting over a dinner table, you can tune in to bad vibes. Once you're become lovers, the feel-good sex chemicals are stronger than the feel-bad signals you oneed to be paying attention to.
If you can't make up your mind about something, a good rule of thumb is to wait and keep checking in with those gut feelings. When you know it's right -- as a total response, not just a "head thing" -- it's a feeling of dead certainty. "It will out," as Shakespeare said.
There are no mistakes as long as you learn from them. With the wisdom of the retro-spectroscope, we can almost always identify the cues we missed. "I knew it wasn't going to work out," laments Sam, and gives 4 things he ignored during courtship.
"I should've known," says Ron. "It seemed to be too good to be true."
Many people who are exceptionally good at what they do, are operating on instinct. When we're around them, we sense there's something special, something far different than what could be taught in school. It's constantly debated, for instance, whether leadership can be taught.
I believe some leadership skills can be taught to some people, but the truly exceptional leaders are "born" leaders. They lead because they can't NOT lead. If you've been around such a person and watch them do their thing, when it's over you'll say to yourself, "What was that all about?"
It has that quality to it -- something effortless, impossible to describe, and, well, elemental. One reason you can't describe it, with words, is that what's going on wasn't largely centered in their neocortex, where words come from and are analyzed and where others teach us things that may not be innate to us.
If you haven't been much aware of the operation of intuition or gut feeling in your life, it's fascinating to learn about it, and yes, it can be developed. It allows you to make better decisions with less time and effort. Give it a try!
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence."
I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ.
Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines.
For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.
Life is a gift, given in trust -- like a child.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
Born June 22, 1906
| Let Your Intuition Guide You to Prioritise | The Intuitive Spirit Contents | Someone Wasn't Using Her Intuition |
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Last updated July 16th, 2005
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