Advice on Choosing Your Parents
accept that we choose our parents, although try as I
have, I cannot figure out what I was thinking the day I stood in that line. I
know I was very hung over from the Bon Voyage Party my friends threw for me the
night before. That is the tradition whenever one of us decides to grab a
physical body and head back to Earth for sixty to eighty years. Granted it's a
mere speck in time considering how long we have actually been around, but when
you want to party . one of your buddies going away just for the weekend usually
justifies a decent kegger and three rounds of Jell-O shots. We were talking a
whole life here. But I digress, back to my hangover.
It was my day to go shopping for a new life and I'm
at this place that looks a lot like the offices of your local AAA, except in
this case AAA stands for Arrival Arrangements & Agreements. There are
different sections depending on your needs before you head back to Earth. Most
travelers have to make a visit to each of the seven areas: General Information
and Concierge, Life Lessons, Tools, Physical Body, Geography, Necessary Baggage
and Karma, Parents and Itineraries. You have to plan on being there most of the
day, especially if you're making your trip during a planned Baby Boom. The
lines can get out of control because everyone usually waits until the last
minute.
I started out at General Information and Concierge. I
was planning ahead and wanted to make sure I would have two, front-row seat
tickets for the 1994 Bee Gees World Tour concert. Who knew? It took most of the
morning but I got through Life Lessons, Tools, Physical Body and I had just
finished up with Geography. I didn't get my first choice, which was a tropical
island. Apparently the turnover is very slow. You literally have to wait until
someone dies before you can get a spot. I had the option of waiting, but I had
already secured a sub-let and forwarded my mail so I decided to go for one of
my alternates. China was booked solid and wouldn't have any openings for quite
some time, but Southern California was still accepting new arrivals.
From Geography I breezed through Necessary Baggage and
Karma. There wasn't a lot for me to do on my end. I had already racked up the
Karma in my previous lives and I was assured my parents would well provide for
me in the area of Necessary Baggage. Thank Goodness! One less thing to worry
about!
Now remember I was pretty hung over when I got there
and after about four hours of this place with no coffee and two hours of sleep
I was ready to just sign on the dotted line and leave. The line for Parents was
unusually long and moving slowly. Most in line attributed the wait to a recent
article that came out regarding choosing parents and the potential
"multiple-life Karmic Residual ramifications of making hasty decisions." The
article argued that because choosing appropriate parents is such an important
part of the Life Lesson process, that the Parents window should be moved up to
the front, ahead of secondary needs such as Tools and Geography. I had to admit
I was in agreement with this opinion, but I had such a pounding headache and
needed food in the worst way that I was ready to take anyone who didn't have a
recent guest spot on "Cops" or look like a professional ticket-tearer at the
Tilt-a-Whirl.
By the time I got to the counter I heard all of the
First Choices were gone as well as most of the Second Level Options. I could
tell the Parents Representative was not in the best of moods. The
air-conditioning had gone out and the portable fan behind the desk was barely
was on it's last millennium. Rather than push my luck I asked, "So what do you
have left?" The Rep ran my information through the system and on the monitor
came up four potential sets of parents in the Southern California area.
The first couple lived in the Inland Empire, a place
grossly underdeveloped except for the virtual plethora of trailer parks and
NASCAR roadways. It also offered plenty of smog, a career in management at the
local Dairy Queen and excellent potential for growing up a NRA card-carrying
Redneck. Let's see Couple number two, please.
The second couple lived in Garden Grove and was born
again Christian. At the time Garden Grove didn't have the best freeway access
and with the Life Lessons I chose, the absolute last thing I needed to deal
with was sexual repression. Two down.
The third couple sounded fantastic. A doctor and a
best-selling author living near the beach with plenty of compassion and
financial security. Unfortunately they also had two longhaired Irish Setters.
At Physical Body I agreed to allergies and chronic asthma so this didn't seem a
wise choice. Next.
This left the fourth couple and the Rep read me their
information: "They have been married for two years, out of mutual convenience
rather than love. The wife wants a baby in hopes of it improving the marriage
and the husband still isn't sure about being married, let alone becoming a
father. Both carry intense emotional scaring, hers from childhood trauma and
his from serving two tours of duty as a member of a Marines Special-Ops Unit
during the Vietnam War. They probably won't stay married past your 2nd
birthday. On the plus side, the husband is great at parties and the wife whips
up a killer banana bread." "Sold!" I exclaim, "I love banana bread. Let's move
on and get to the checkout line quickly. I have got to get some aspirin for
this headache."
As I was gathering my things to move on to the next
and last window, Itineraries I noticed the Rep, still reading the monitor now
had a look of worry and said, "Uh, I'm noticing a lot of 'fine print' for both
parents. You might want to read this before you make any final commitments." I
couldn't conceive of staying a minute longer than I needed to so I said,
"Thanks, but that's ok. I'll get on the network and download their dossiers
later if I need to. How bad could they be?"
I grabbed my itinerary and scanned it quickly. I had
only two days before departure! There was no time to read dossiers! I'm sure
the Rep was new and just trying to be thorough. What a rookie. I'll be fine,
after all my stint during the Spanish Inquisition turned out all right in the
end.
I sailed through the checkout line, signed the
Universal Contract and picked up my copy of the final Blueprint. They used to
hand out free Post-It Notes with the logo "The Universe - We don't give out
what you don't ask for!" Every few hundred years they go through budget
cutbacks and take away the freebies. I'm sure by the time I get back we'll once
again have sport bottles and stadium cushions.
With my shopping bag in hand I set off for my next
life on Earth. I felt confident I made all the right decisions for setting up
an existence that would ensure learning my chosen Life Lessons and enable me to
evolve spiritually.
It's thirty-one years later and in hindsight I have
only this wisdom to offer: 1) don't get drunk and be hung over the day you pick
out your parents and 2) always, always read the fine print before signing
anything.