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	Advice on Choosing Your Parents
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Advice on Choosing Your Parents

accept that we choose our parents, although try as I have, I cannot figure out what I was thinking the day I stood in that line. I know I was very hung over from the Bon Voyage Party my friends threw for me the night before. That is the tradition whenever one of us decides to grab a physical body and head back to Earth for sixty to eighty years. Granted it's a mere speck in time considering how long we have actually been around, but when you want to party . one of your buddies going away just for the weekend usually justifies a decent kegger and three rounds of Jell-O shots. We were talking a whole life here. But I digress, back to my hangover.

It was my day to go shopping for a new life and I'm at this place that looks a lot like the offices of your local AAA, except in this case AAA stands for Arrival Arrangements & Agreements. There are different sections depending on your needs before you head back to Earth. Most travelers have to make a visit to each of the seven areas: General Information and Concierge, Life Lessons, Tools, Physical Body, Geography, Necessary Baggage and Karma, Parents and Itineraries. You have to plan on being there most of the day, especially if you're making your trip during a planned Baby Boom. The lines can get out of control because everyone usually waits until the last minute.

I started out at General Information and Concierge. I was planning ahead and wanted to make sure I would have two, front-row seat tickets for the 1994 Bee Gees World Tour concert. Who knew? It took most of the morning but I got through Life Lessons, Tools, Physical Body and I had just finished up with Geography. I didn't get my first choice, which was a tropical island. Apparently the turnover is very slow. You literally have to wait until someone dies before you can get a spot. I had the option of waiting, but I had already secured a sub-let and forwarded my mail so I decided to go for one of my alternates. China was booked solid and wouldn't have any openings for quite some time, but Southern California was still accepting new arrivals.

From Geography I breezed through Necessary Baggage and Karma. There wasn't a lot for me to do on my end. I had already racked up the Karma in my previous lives and I was assured my parents would well provide for me in the area of Necessary Baggage. Thank Goodness! One less thing to worry about!

Now remember I was pretty hung over when I got there and after about four hours of this place with no coffee and two hours of sleep I was ready to just sign on the dotted line and leave. The line for Parents was unusually long and moving slowly. Most in line attributed the wait to a recent article that came out regarding choosing parents and the potential "multiple-life Karmic Residual ramifications of making hasty decisions." The article argued that because choosing appropriate parents is such an important part of the Life Lesson process, that the Parents window should be moved up to the front, ahead of secondary needs such as Tools and Geography. I had to admit I was in agreement with this opinion, but I had such a pounding headache and needed food in the worst way that I was ready to take anyone who didn't have a recent guest spot on "Cops" or look like a professional ticket-tearer at the Tilt-a-Whirl.

By the time I got to the counter I heard all of the First Choices were gone as well as most of the Second Level Options. I could tell the Parents Representative was not in the best of moods. The air-conditioning had gone out and the portable fan behind the desk was barely was on it's last millennium. Rather than push my luck I asked, "So what do you have left?" The Rep ran my information through the system and on the monitor came up four potential sets of parents in the Southern California area.

The first couple lived in the Inland Empire, a place grossly underdeveloped except for the virtual plethora of trailer parks and NASCAR roadways. It also offered plenty of smog, a career in management at the local Dairy Queen and excellent potential for growing up a NRA card-carrying Redneck. Let's see Couple number two, please.

The second couple lived in Garden Grove and was born again Christian. At the time Garden Grove didn't have the best freeway access and with the Life Lessons I chose, the absolute last thing I needed to deal with was sexual repression. Two down.

The third couple sounded fantastic. A doctor and a best-selling author living near the beach with plenty of compassion and financial security. Unfortunately they also had two longhaired Irish Setters. At Physical Body I agreed to allergies and chronic asthma so this didn't seem a wise choice. Next.

This left the fourth couple and the Rep read me their information: "They have been married for two years, out of mutual convenience rather than love. The wife wants a baby in hopes of it improving the marriage and the husband still isn't sure about being married, let alone becoming a father. Both carry intense emotional scaring, hers from childhood trauma and his from serving two tours of duty as a member of a Marines Special-Ops Unit during the Vietnam War. They probably won't stay married past your 2nd birthday. On the plus side, the husband is great at parties and the wife whips up a killer banana bread." "Sold!" I exclaim, "I love banana bread. Let's move on and get to the checkout line quickly. I have got to get some aspirin for this headache."

As I was gathering my things to move on to the next and last window, Itineraries I noticed the Rep, still reading the monitor now had a look of worry and said, "Uh, I'm noticing a lot of 'fine print' for both parents. You might want to read this before you make any final commitments." I couldn't conceive of staying a minute longer than I needed to so I said, "Thanks, but that's ok. I'll get on the network and download their dossiers later if I need to. How bad could they be?"

I grabbed my itinerary and scanned it quickly. I had only two days before departure! There was no time to read dossiers! I'm sure the Rep was new and just trying to be thorough. What a rookie. I'll be fine, after all my stint during the Spanish Inquisition turned out all right in the end.

I sailed through the checkout line, signed the Universal Contract and picked up my copy of the final Blueprint. They used to hand out free Post-It Notes with the logo "The Universe - We don't give out what you don't ask for!" Every few hundred years they go through budget cutbacks and take away the freebies. I'm sure by the time I get back we'll once again have sport bottles and stadium cushions.

With my shopping bag in hand I set off for my next life on Earth. I felt confident I made all the right decisions for setting up an existence that would ensure learning my chosen Life Lessons and enable me to evolve spiritually.

It's thirty-one years later and in hindsight I have only this wisdom to offer: 1) don't get drunk and be hung over the day you pick out your parents and 2) always, always read the fine print before signing anything.

Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you.
~ Yasser Arafat ~
Born August 24, 1929

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Last updated January 31st, 2004

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