Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
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Rebecca Brents

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	The Family by David Leonhardt Finding Happiness and Self-actualization
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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The Family
by David Leonhardt

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Rarely in polite circles does anybody speak of The Family a man adopts when he shares a home with his darling. (Even in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the in-laws end up living a full 14 feet away.)

Today, we cast aside the veil of secrecy, as I reveal the identities of five evil members of The Family who followed my darling bride into my nest: The Octopus, The Red Hot Poker, The Spike, The Blob and The Toe Tenderizer.

The Octopus: Do you have an octopus in your house? A phenomenal thing happens when three or more pantyhose gather in the same laundry load. They cling together. They wrap themselves around each other and any other article of clothing foolish enough to get in their way. They become one tortured mass of unruly leggings ... The Octopus! (And you thought men disliked doing laundry out of laziness.)

The Red Hot Poker: The natural habitat of The Red Hot Poker is on the bathroom counter or on a bureau top. The Red Hot Poker lies in wait for his victim and ambushes him when he least expects it. Looking for your tractor keys on the bureau? Beware the nasty sting of The Red Hot Poker. Searching for used dental floss? Watch out for the cruel burns from The Red Hot Poker.

After all, if it can curl a woman's hair with just its touch, imagine the pain it can inflict upon a man's fingers.

The Spike: The spike is a tiny creature with a piercing bite. His habitat of choice is a woman's key ring.

"Ouch!"

"Oops. Sorry, that's my spike."

"Why do you keep it on your key ring?"

"It's a great tool to fix my glasses in a pinch. And in case anybody sneaks up behind me in a dark parking lot with evil intent, I will be protected."

"You should show your secret weapon to the guards at Fort Knox."

Such a conversation, repeated a few hundred times, leads to her inevitable question: "How come you never want to hold hands with me anymore?"

The Blob: My wife likes pillows. And the bigger they are, the more she likes them. At first, I thought she was dragging a corpse to bed with us every night. But she assured me it was just her jumbo size pillow.

Did you know that some pillows are long enough to reach from one side of a queen size bed to the other? They are perfect for helping me wake up at 3:00 a.m. from a nightmare about how the world is being overtaken by giant, man-eating marshmallows ... disguised as giant man-eating pillows, of course.

The Toe Tenderizer: I can't remember the last time I felt the sudden urge to weigh myself. In my world, a scale is a medical instrument that belongs safely at the doctor's office with the suffocate-your-arm blood pressure machine and the stethoscope that listens to your heart's most private ramblings.

Why anyone would want a scale in their house, beats me. Why anyone would want to pull it out from under the bed to stand on it every few days, beats me. Why anyone would push it only half-way back under the bed, beats my toe. Ooh. Of course, you might act surly, too, if you were stuffed under the bed and only let out for someone to stand on your face.

When you share your nest with someone, you share not just her love, not just her cute annoying habits, but also The Family she brings with her. And guys, don't get too smug. If you think you don't bring The Family into a relationship, I have just two words for you: power tools.

David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy, is author of a self-help happiness book. He also serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant. Read more personal growth articles in his Self-actualization Resource Center at The Happy Guy.

"Doublethink" means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs
in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.
~ George Orwell ~
Born June 25, 1903

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Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it.

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Last updated June 25th, 2004

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