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	Key to Excellent Communication Part 2 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Key to Excellent Communication
Part 2
by Susan Dunn

Page: 1 2

Take Home Point: We are more likely to get someone's attention, to convince them, and to motivate them by engaging their emotions.

Saying "Do not turn left" puts the negative in your mind, raises resistance, and may be forgotten. Saying "turn right" may also be forgotten when needed, especially since he'd grown up there, driving that drive a thousand times, and obviously had done it himself. He had NOT resisted the urge to turn left, and new all about it.

This is a small example with small consequences.

However, I've thought of this communication many times as I've given people instructions in how to do things and tried to get inside their head to figure out how best to convey the information. It's come in very handy. If the person doesn't get an "ah hah" at the moment, they tell you about it when they get back, and they are grateful, as I was.

Here are some examples that direct you to manage feelings, think it through, and respond, not react.

1. When someone says in a negotiation, "Your fees are way out of line," resist all urges to get defensive.

2. When you're telling a teenager something they need to do, resist all urges to get drawn into arguments over premises.

3. When you're "hijacked" (flooded with anger) resist all urges to say the first thing that comes into your mind. Stop and count to ten or take a timeout and come back to it.

4. When you're giving an event and it starts to unravel at the end, resist all urges to give up.

5. Whenever you're trying to solve a problem, resist all urges to think black and white. Most of the time there is more than one possible solution.

6. If you see the devil with a blue dress on ... j.k.

These suggestions point the listener toward things likely to occur, in some cases almost certain to occur, and alerts them to feelings they should note but hold at bay in order to allow for correct action, sound judgment and wise decisions.

To put the icing on the cake, you can go on to the "And if" portion of instructions. In the first example, if I missed the turn, nothing happened except I'd get lost.

Another day I was heading into what's called The Loop, the major business district of Chicago, where he worked. Chicago has great public transportation and most people take the elevated train into the City (the "el").

I would catch the el just two blocks from our house and take it to the Loop. "Then," he said, "leave the station and turn right. If you turn left you will be in Skid Row and you don't want to be there."

"What's that?" I said, instantly curious.

He was not referring to the band. What he was referring to was largely removed in Chicago with urban renewal, but the USC site defines Los Angeles' Skid Row as "an extensive cluster of missions, shelters, drop-ins and Single Room Occupancy (SRO) hotels, the largest service-dependent ghetto in the nation."

My father described it somewhat differently, and did not fail to make an impression on me.

I turned right.

This is akin to those helpful people who tell you in giving driving directions, "And if you get to a Jack-in-the-Box, you've gone too far."

It's always good communication to anticipate some of these things.

(c) 2004 Susan Dunn All rights reserved.

Page: 1 2

Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.

Swift justice demands more than just swiftness.
~ Potter Stewart ~
Born January 13, 1915

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Last updated May 28th, 2004

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