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No Enemies Within: A Creative Process for Discovering What's Right About What's Wrong
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	Barriers to Clear Perception and Smart Choices (which EQ can remedy) Part 2 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Barriers to Clear Perception and Smart Choices
(which EQ can remedy)
Part 2
by Susan Dunn

Page: 1 2 3

Here are some examples.

Deluding Yourself

If you strongly desire to like the person you're dealing with, or if you have a need to like them, you may miss what's actually going on. This is what's happened when you hear someone repeat an anecdote, saying, "He did [something mean] BUT HE'S REALLY A NICE PERSON." It's clear to you the person mentioned is NOT "a nice person," because nice people don't do things like that, and you wonder how the person telling you the anecdote can be so mislead.

Another good example is one I read on a Russian bride website. It was giving advice to the male suitors re: such important factors as wanting or not wanting to have children.

They cautioned that because the need of the Russian woman to come to the US might be so strong, she would delude the man, because she had truly deluded herself. She would say what the man wanted to hear even if she didn't mean it.

How do you guard yourself against such disillusionment? High EQ, time, reflection, feedback, intuition, and understanding people and their emotions.

Hearing What You Need Or Want To Hear

This can happen when the outcome is very important to you. If it's with a loved one, you may fear rejection or loss and therefore your emotions interfere with what you're hearing. Someone who's been rejected a lot, for instance, will read things into what they're hearing, finding rejection in places where it doesn't exist.

Because of their emotional state, they may jump to conclusions that aren't warranted, or over-react. For instance, if their partner tells them "I don't like it when you talk that way to my mother (which is a behavior which can be changed)," they may hear, "I don't love you" (which is a condemnation of you as a person).

This sort of distortion is why it's good to repeat back what you think you've heard in heated discussions where the outcome is important. If you say, "Let me make sure I understood what you said. You said you're angry because I." this gives the other person the opportunity to clarify what they said or meant, and to correct your misperceptions. This is vital to good communication.

It's common with couples for each person to correct the other saying, "But that's not what you meant" or "That's not what you said." There's never a place for this. By checking it out with the person you give them a chance to self-correct, to correct you, and to establish clear communication about important things.

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Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

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Last updated June 24th, 2004

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Racing with the Moon
By
Rebecca Brents

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Mars and Sex: The Secrets of Sexual Astrology
By
Trish MacGregor