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Fathers Day Gift from Dad |
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| Fathers and Small Things | Mark Brandenburg Contents | Fathers Tell Your Stories! |
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Fathers Day Gift from Dad
Touch
by Mark Brandenburg, MA, CPCC
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My five-year-old son and I were finishing up a dinner at a small restaurant recently. Nearby, a father and his teenage son embraced as they got up from their table. "Isn't it nice that that man and his son hugged?" I asked him.
"Isn't that what they're supposed to do?" he shot back.
"Well, yes they are, Michael, but it doesn't always happen that way."
"Why not?" he asked.
Indeed, why not?
Fathers have a responsibility to touch, hug, and cuddle with their kids. They have a responsibility to know how important this is to their child's development. And they need to fight the taboo in our society about males touching each other and showing affection.
It's amazing to learn how many fathers still have concerns about turning their sons into "wimps" or "mamas boys" if they show them a lot of physical affection. Most of these fathers struggle with issues about closeness from their own families of origin. And when boys haven't received physical touch and nurturing from their own fathers, they have a difficult time giving it to their own kids.
There are a lot of reasons to give your kids physical affection. Most of you will see the day when your kids experience the hormonal explosion called the teen years. And many of you have concerns about how volatile that stage will be.
Are you interested in a plan that will keep the teen years for your kids as peaceful as possible?
Here are some ideas on how fathers can use touch to benefit their kids and to prepare for the teen years:
Have a ritual of cuddling in the morning with your kids, even if for a short time. It's a great way to reinforce your connection with them before you start the day. If you leave before they're awake, you can do it when you come home.
Give your kids back rubs, leg rubs, or foot rubs. Help them learn the wonders of touch and show them the art of giving. You'll end up on the receiving end of some of these eventually!
Wrestle with your kids often. One of the best ways for fathers to connect with their kids is to get on the floor and go at it. Make sure you do this with your daughter as well as your son-show her that she's capable of handling it.
Try to hug your kids at least twice a day. When you establish this pattern, you'll notice that your kids will come to you for hugs. If you notice that they don't seem happy, always offer a friendly hug. Don't take it personally if they decline.
If you're married, show physical affection to your wife. Your kids are watching closely, so show them how it's done.
Commit to hugging your kids through their teen years. They may not agree to this plan, but keep at it! Let them know that you'd like to hug them, and stay with it through all the rolling eyes and disgusted looks. You can't make them hug you, but you can let them know you'd like to.
Be particularly aware of how you respond to your teenage daughter when she develops physically. Many fathers are scared off when they find themselves faced with a daughter who's matured sexually. She still needs you, don't go away!
The most effective way to ensure that your kids pass through the teen years smoothly is to create a strong emotional bond with them when they're young. Physical touch with your kids is an essential part of this emotional bond. Your kids will thrive on this touching, and so will you.
We live in a society that doesn't encourage touching and nurturing for men, but we all need it. Your kids need it, too.
This Fathers Day, give your kids the gift of touch.
And then just keep on giving.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships.
He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching Parents, and author of "Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers" Ecourse.
Middle age:
when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
~ Irvin S. Cobb ~
Born June 23, 1876
| Fathers and Small Things | Mark Brandenburg Contents | Fathers Tell Your Stories! |
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Last updated July 23rd, 2004
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