Born with the Sun in ...
By
Rebecca Brents
Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
By
Rebecca Brents
Lucky You!: Proven Strategies for Finding Good Fortune: Proven Strategies You Can Use to Find Your Fortune
By
Randall Fitzgerald
How to Read Your Natal Chart
By
Rebecca Brents
Born with the Ascendant in ...
By
Rebecca Brents
The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
By
Rebecca Brents
 |
|
 |
Emotional Intelligence and ACAs |
| Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age. | |
     |
Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / The Reading Room
| Efficiency Tips from World Experts | Susan Dunn Contents | Emotional Intelligence and Addiction |
Emotional Intelligence and ACAs
(Adult Children of Alcoholics)
by Susan DunnEveryone in the alcoholic's family suffers effects from the disease. Typically everyone involved in the life of the alcoholic and dysfunctional family has low or no emotional intelligence. They don't know what they think or feel, and don't think they have a right to.
Many of the challenges facing Adult children of Alcoholics (ACAs) can be addressed by developing Emotional Intelligence. Here are some examples.
[Source: Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization]
1. ACAs tend to over-react to anger and criticism, and are afraid of authority figures.
EQ COMPETENCY: Constructive discontent.
If you're an ACA and someone gets angry at you, you shrink inside and shut down or panic, reacting in a way that isn't always appropriate to the actual real-life situation. learning constructive ways to deal with the emotions engendered by disagreement and criticism are part of EQ. Emotional Intelligence means not taking constructive criticism personally and emotionally, but getting the message and benefiting from it.
Experiencing fear and anger, strong emotions designed for survival, can't be controlled, but we always have a choice in how we respond to them.
2. ACAs often feel isolated and lonely and uneasy with other people.
EQ COMPETENCY: Interpersonal skills, Emotional Expression and communication.
Isolation is one of the worst things we can do to ourselves. To live in emotional isolation can be worse on our health than such things as smoking and being overweight. Learning to communicate well, and express feelings appropriately is part of the EQ experience.
3. ACAs feel like victims when something bad happens to them.
EQ COMPETENCY: Personal Power.
Personal Power is the opposite of victim-ology. Instead of asking "Who will take care of me?? you learn to ask, "How will I take care of myself?? It means building confidence in your ability to handle your life and believing that you can do it.
4. ACAs are often uncomfortable with emotional intimacy. They're afraid to reveal their feelings and who they are, and reluctant to become vulnerable.
EQ COMPETENCY: Emotional Expression.
The first step in EQ is self-awareness; to become aware of your feelings. Only then can you learn how to express them accurately and appropriately.
5. ACAs tend to confuse pity with love, and to be more concerned about others than they are about themselves.
EQ COMPETENCY: Interpersonal skills, Empathy.
Healthy Empathy means being able to understand where the other person is coming from, but with respect for one's own boundaries. You can understand how the other person feels, but not have to join them in the feeling. Empathy does not involve the feeling of pity.6. ACAs judge themselves harshly and are over-responsible. Often they are perfectionists.
EQ COMPETENCY: Being adamantly and relentlessly self-forgiving.
Understanding that we're human, and that we all make mistakes is what this is all about. It takes a lot of practice for most of us to ˜get' this competency. It involves self-talk and learned optimism, and managing the emotions of failures, losses, rejections and mistakes. It isn't good for your health, your work, or your relationships to be a perfectionist!
7. ACAs have difficulty in identifying, understanding, and expressing their feelings.
EQ COMPETENCY: EQ!
The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness " being able to identify and understand your feelings. If you lived in an environment where feelings were not welcome, denigrated, mocked, punished, ignored, denied, or lied about, it will take some practice to be able to bring them up, identify them, and understand them. That's what EQ coaching is all about!
8. ACAs over-value the approval of others, and will ignore their own values, preferences and beliefs in deference to others'. Feeling vulnerable, they protect themselves by being overly anxious to please others.
EQ COMPETENCY: Integrated Self, Personal Power and Intentionality.
These competencies help us stay centered, and act with intent, based on our own values, preferences, feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. When we own and claim our Personal Power, we can aim to get along with others with good will, but are no longer driven to please someone else at our own expense.
9. ACAs tend to be addicted to excitement. They are risk seekers who prefer constant upset to workable solutions.
EQ COMPETENCY: Understanding, accepting and processing emotions, operating with Intentionality, and often being able eventually to modulate emotions.
EQ means learning where emotions come from and how they operate and being able to make choices instead of knee jerk reactions. We learn the different ˜feel' or emotions from the reptilian brain and the limbic brain, and when and how to blend this with the thinking brain, the neocortex.
Understanding where the need for excitement comes from allows us to manage it, and avoid chaotic situations that self-sabotage. EQ is all about workable solutions and how to achieve them.
10. ACAs are imprisoned by childhood reactions.
EQ COMPETENCY: Emotional Intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence means understanding where emotions come from, and being able to experience them, consider them, learn from them, and then make a decision to respond (or not), instead of reacting without thinking. Developing your Emotional Intelligence will help you avoid being entrapped in any unrealistic, rash or un-reasoned reaction.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.
Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.
A person who has not done one half his day's work by ten o clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone.
~ Emily Bronte ~
Born July 30, 1818
| Efficiency Tips from World Experts | Susan Dunn Contents | Emotional Intelligence and Addiction |
Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / The Reading Room
Please click on the titles to visit these fine areas of Enchanted Spirit
                            |
 | |
 |
PO Box 711 McIntosh · NM · 87032 |
| Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it. |
This site is hosted and maintained for Enchanted Spirit by
Catweasel Ink
Copyright © 1999 - 2010 by Enchanted Spirit and Catweasel Ink.
Contributed works copyright by their respective authors. All rights reserved.
Unauthorized reproduction specifically prohibited.
Last updated August 1st, 2004
Books & CDs by Enchanted Spirit:
Answering Creativity's Call
By
Rebecca Brents
Astrology Coaching
Astrology
Astrology Readings
Tarot
Tarot Readings
Consultations
Members Only
Source Shop
New Age Ebooks and Classes
The Enchanted Sprite
Catweasel's Toys
New Age Writers Forum
The Auditorium
In the Spotlight
Real Life Lines
Catweasel's Corner
Inspirational Ideals
Magical Mysteries
Feng Shui Feature
Numerology Notes
Health Hints
The Inner Sanctum
Family Matters
Words of Wisdom
Weblogs
The Reading Room
Oracles
Kaleidoscope
Astrology Tarot
Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
By
Rebecca Brents
Stirring the Waters: Writing to Find Your Spirit
By
Janell Moon
Racing with the Moon
By
Rebecca Brents
Born with the Moon in ...
By
Rebecca Brents
Learn Tarot
Tarot Readings
Astrology and Tarot
Personal Development
Self-Improvement
New Age Living
visit
Enchanted Spirit
often!!
