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	Why Use Kitchen Shears When You Could Be Using Loppers? by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Why Use Kitchen Shears When You Could Be Using Loppers?
by Susan Dunn

Not a great yardsman, I saw my neighbor out back the other day trying to cut away some unruly bushes with a pair of kitchen shears. When I asked her what she was doing, she told me she had sold all her lawn equipment in preparation for her move to a condo, and it was the only thing she could find around the house to use for a tool.

Imagine her delight when I brought over my loppers! Their construction never fails to amaze me. What leverage you get with a pair of loppers. What a grand tool they are!

This reminds me of how a lot of people are trying to handle stress in their lives. They're using kitchen shears when they should be using loppers. And the sad thing is, they don't know such a tool is even available. It's called emotional intelligence, and we'll get into that later, but first, let's talk about stress.

The researcher most responsible for bringing the term into the field of psychology admitted he'd used the wrong word. An immigrant from another country and not being fluent in English, he had used the term "stress," he said, when he should've been using the word "strain.".

Stress is putting some pressure on something. It isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact a little stress is welcome. It's well known that we humans need to have some stress in our lives. Too little, and we are bored.

In fact some people find this more stressful than having too much to do. "I hate to just sit around," we say, and we seek to fill our days with pleasant-enough activity and demands.

In fact one of the hardest transitions in life for some people is retirement. If you go from a busy job that's important to do, it can feel like there's a huge void in your life when there's "nothing" to do. "Sometimes people die when they retire," an internist told me the other day. "It's mostly from boredom, I think."

Having "something to do," that is to say a little stress, is part of being connected to life. It's only when the stress becomes strain that we buckle.

Think of a suspension bridge. It's built with "give" so in a heavy wind it will sway and not buckle or snap. Or think of the tree in a hurricane. It can be bent over nearly parallel to the ground and bounce right back, as long as it remains flexible.

"A little stress??" you may be saying. Many of us have too much stress in our lives and it's threatening to turn into strain at any given time. The trouble is, we're trying to use kitchen shears on it instead of loppers.

When you think about it, stress is change. "More" or "less" of something is occurring than the optimal state. When you have less money than you need, or less people to do the job than you need, it's stressful.

When you have more work than you can handle, or more mouths than you can feed, it's stressful. Stress also occurs when something is different, and you're required to figure out how to cope. Getting married is a good thing, but it's still stressful.

We call is eu-stress, from the Greek "eu" meaning "good," as in "euphemism". Getting divorced we recognize as stressful, because it's dis-stress.

Now coping with each new stressor as it comes along, is using kitchen shears. Yes, you can figure out how to deal with a promotion, or breaking your ankle, or having hail damage on your roof when they come up.

But if you're prepared mentally and emotionally for ANY stress or change that comes up, you're using loppers. It's called building resilience, in emotional intelligence, and means that you understand how to cope with stress and change in general, whatever the particular situation is.

There are certain things predictable for any stressful change in life.

1. Ambivalence - feeling both good and bad about it. It's good to get a promotion, but there are old friends you'll miss. It's bad to get laid off, but good to have some time off.

2. Confusion, because of the ambivalence. Inability to make decisions.

3. Emotional reactions such as fear, anxiety, resentment and anger which cloud thinking.

4. Diminished problem-solving skills because of the emotional strain.

5. Ripple affect into all areas of life.

When you're under stress, your emotions interfere with your ability to solve problems, think effectively, and act efficiently. What you need - in every case - is emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence means being able to identify your emotions, understand them, manage them, and ultimately regulate them. And to be able to do this in regards to others. Any crisis you're dealing with is going to involve others. Any change in your life will affect every area in your life.

Emotional intelligence means building resilience, so that you understand and master the general coping skills necessary for all changes and stressful situation. Resilience means being able to endure loss, rejection, failure and disappointment without losing your ability to function effectively, and without losing your optimism and hope for the future.

There's no way you can avoid stress as long as you're alive (or even would want to), so why pretend it isn't going to happen. Don't be left running to the kitchen for shears, when you could have a pair of loppers on hand.

With the proper tool available, you can feel confident in times of stress and this will eliminate the biggest problem you can eliminate - an unreasoned reaction or response on your part that will diminish your ability to act quickly and effectively.

Chances are good you already have good coping skills and emotional intelligence. Some people tell me "oh that," as if it couldn't help them to improve. Developing your emotional intelligence is like building a muscle. Working with a coach helps you do this.

Take an EQ assessment and see how yours is. Then get to work!

Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

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Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it.

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Last updated August 30th, 2004

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