Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
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Rebecca Brents

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The Charmed Garden: Sacred and Enchanting Plants for the Magically Inclined Herbalist
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Dianne Morgan

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	Demand the Why Don't Settle for Just the How-To by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Demand the Why
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I'm with the childhood development scientists who recently authored "The Scientist in the Crib." Their rationale -- "while popular books about science speak to intelligent, perceptive adults who simply want to learn, books about babies typically just give advice, heavy on the how-to and light on the why."

I find this true of books and courses about emotional intelligence, as well. They give instruction in how-to manage your emotions and those of others (which is the lowest level of learning), and they don't tell you how it all works, in other words the why.

Clients have told me that in courses and previous coaching, they've learned "when you're angry, take a deep breath and count to 10."

Well, that's fine, and, yes, it may work, if you can remember it when you need it. But I've found that when you rote-memorize something, and then are under pressure, if you don't understand the reason why, you forget and revert.

In this case, if you understand where anger comes from, and why breathing and counting to 10 make a difference, you will be able to apply this knowledge to new situations, and new emotions, and -- equally importantly -- when under stress. And let's face it, anger is stress.

When we become angry -- which is an automatic knee-jerk thing coming from the brainstem (or reptilian brain), our body goes on full-alert for fight-or-flight, and this takes our breath away.

Attractive members of the opposite sex can do this to us, too, as that's a reptilian response -sexual attraction. This "fight or flight" reaction is also affectionately called "The 3 Fs" and I'll let you connect the dots on that one.

When "fight or flight" takes over, our cardiovascular system gets ready to hit, run, conserve blood in case of an injury, shut down our digestive system to conserve energy, and and our brain gets ready NOT to think, because THINKING would slow you down.

Your self-preservation instincts, which will always take precedence (why emotions take precedence over reason), 'know' that if you stop and say, "Oh, that bull is a bos Iberius and appears to be ..." you will be impaled on the horns of more than an intellectual dilemma.

When you force yourself to breathe deeply, you're sending oxygen back to your starved brain, and also allowing enough time to move from the brainstem to the neocortex, where you can think before you act -- words being "actions", as well as hitting people or throwing things.

The more you can respond instead of react, the more likely the outcome will be beneficial to you and all concerned.

Now you know WHY you count to ten, and can apply this to other circumstances where it's best you send oxygen to your brain and take your time to think it through before you act.

For optimal personal and professional development, ask WHY. Don't accept a simple HOW-TO list.

Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence."

I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ.

Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines.

For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.

Duration is not a test of truth or falsehood.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
Born June 22, 1906

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Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it.

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Last updated September 25th, 2004

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Embracing the Goddess Within: A Creative Guide for Women
By
Kris Waldherr