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	When It's Emotional Intelligence and When It's Not Part 2 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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When It's Emotional Intelligence and When It's Not
Part 2
by Susan Dunn

Page: 1 2

Ultimately we are moved by our emotions, and we need to connect with others to access this. This has been said to be the difference between a "leader" and a "manager," which is a fair theoretical distinction, but in reality people's job titles don't always reflect what they do, or, more importantly, how they are.

Too Much Of A Good Thing?

Why moderation? Let's take a look at Empathy, one of the Emotional Intelligence competencies. If you're low in Empathy, you need it, and it can be learned. Hook up with a certified EQ coach and get into it.

If you have a strong ability at Empathy, you need to be able to use it as a tool; in other words, you use IT, it doesn't use YOU. It matters how you manage it. Understanding the feelings of the other person is valuable. Getting infected by them is not. Neither is practicing Empathy with someone who is toxic.

In his book, Coping with Toxic Managers, Subordinates ... and Other Difficult People: Using Emotional Intelligence to Survive and Prosper, Roy H. Lubit, an academic, psychiatrist, and management consultant, identifies the behaviours of five types of toxic managers: narcissistic, unethical, aggressive, rigid and impaired. He suggests strategies for protecting yourself. Yes, protecting yourself.

When your Intuition (an EQ competency) informs you that you're dealing with someone toxic, it's time to take care of yourself, not try and "fix" them. People with strong Empathy often make this mistake.

Lubit maintains these toxic behaviours are the manifestations of depression and fear. The Empathic person will pick up on the depression and fear, which is indeed worthy of compassion, but not at the expense of harmful behaviours coming your way.

Misapplied Empathy leaves you wide open to abuse, as well as likely to stick around too close and too long. "Understanding" the underlying feelings does not excuse the toxic behaviours, nor compel you to tolerate them.

Other EQ competencies would then come into play, such as Personal Power, Intuition, and Integrated Self.

Toxic behaviours are not confined to managers. You will meet them roaming around many offices and your ability to work around them will impact your career. As has been said, your EQ is more important to your success (health and happiness) than your IQ.

Julian Barling, Ph.D., professor of organizational behaviour at Queen's University, Kingston, says aggression in the workplace is more likely when 2 factors are present: psychologically unhealthy people and psychologically unhealthy organizations, and feels it's easier to try and make organizations healthier than to try and weed out psychologically unhealthy individuals.

With Empathy, you can understand where they're coming from, but it's your Intuition that tells you it's not a problem to be solved, but rather a fact to be dealt with, and Personal Power that allows you to take care of yourself rather than feeling "hopeless and helpless."

How Do You Learn It?

Reading about Emotional Intelligence is the starting point, but to really 'get it' you have to put it into practice. Coaching is the suggested venue for the crucial active-learning stage. Social and interpersonal skills can't be practiced in a vacuum, and you need feedback.

Emotional Intelligence is about understanding and valuing emotions; managing them; and integrating them comfortably with thinking processes for the information, motivation, enrichment and connection they give us.

Most people find Emotional Intelligence to be "the missing piece" and the best way to understand it, is to experience it.

Page: 1 2

Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.

In waking a tiger, use a long stick.
~ Mao Tse-Tung ~
Born December 26, 1893

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Last updated October 11th, 2004

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Answering Creativity's Call
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The Psychology of Self-Esteem : A Revolutionary Approach to Self-Understanding that Launched a New Era in Modern Psychology
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Nathaniel Branden