Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
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Rebecca Brents

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Karma 101: What Goes Around Comes Around -- And What You Can Do About It
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Joshua Mack

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	Ways to Survive a Control Freak by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Ways to Survive a Control Freak
by Susan Dunn

The inner dynamic is "someone in this conversation must lose" and that's one of the keys -- it's nothing personal though it still drives us nuts. Here are some coping tips:

1. Understand the dynamics of their behavior.

Their messages are "You're incompetent," and "I can't trust you." But what they're feeling inside is anxiety because they feel out-of-control and helpless all the time. What they're trying to do is manage their own anxiety.

2. They'll put a lot more energy into it than you will, or might want to.

If it appears they're fighting for their life, in a sense they are -- their sense of self and well-being depends upon not relinquishing control.

3. This dynamic requires that in order to feel good about themselves, they must put you down.

When interacting with them, stay calm and centered. They tend to instigate a general forcefield of anxiety and tension. Put up your plexiglass shield.

4. Notice how they're trying to make you feel, and don't take the monkey.

"Induced feeling" it's called. Notice it, be aware of it, and know that you don't have to accept it. They're masters at manipulation and the goal is what it feels like - to degrade and humiliate you.

5. Control freaks are adept at distorting reality.

If you remain in the emotional/intellectual vicinity of one, you'll be susceptible to "gaslighting," particularly if your boss or superior is like this.

6. What they're angry and afraid of is a world they perceive dislikes them (guess why?).

Therefore, treat them with respect and you'll be like a slippery pier beam; they can't attach.

7. Let them control the agenda ...

But you can control the pace. Focus on your breathing, and as their anxiety escalates, escalate your deep breathing. If you're lucky, this may calm them. If not, like the Sumo wrestler, you are now playing their game, and you will lose.

8. You may see them rapidly cycle through some predictable stages.

First angry and agitated; then panicky; then threats and active intimidation. If this fails, despair.

9. Understand there's little you can do.

It's compulsive behavior; this means it repeats with or without validation, whether it works or not. If you find yourself in a personal relationship (attachment) like this, and they won't get help, get out.

10. They can't change (without help) ... the anxiety is too high and the reasons not conscious.

This behavior is not rational; if they did "win," they wouldn't notice it ... they must do what they're doing and you're just there.

Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
~ Robert Benchley ~
Born September 15, 1889

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Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it.

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Last updated April 1st, 2004

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Home Sanctuary : Practical Ways to Create a Spiritually Fulfilling Environment
By
Nicole Marcelis