The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
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Rebecca Brents
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I REALLY needed your encouragement ...but light bulbs went on so I know this is more than special!
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Coming Home to Myself: Reflections for Nurturing a Woman's Body and Soul
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Amidst the cruelty, violence and terror we see on television and hear about on the radio, we can observe in daily life some acts of incredible generosity, empathy, and kindness.
Underlying these acts are some strong emotional intelligence competencies including a concept which we attempt to cover by the words "compassion" and "empathy." The gist is understanding how others feel and then wanting to do something about it.
It's a reflex action in some people, perhaps best put by Ram Dass: "Caring is a reflex. Someone slips, your arm goes out. A car is in the ditch, you join the others and push. You live, you help."
It's important to understand that the last portion (caring) is the more important, because arguably a sociopath or con-artist understands intellectually how someone feels. It's part of how they do what they do. They are often, in fact, more canny about figuring out other people than you or I, ascertaining just what chains to jerk and buttons to push, and then going on to use that information to further their own interests at the expense of the other.
One example of this will suffice -- the faith healer who contacted the woman who was driving her car, failed to stop at a stop sign, and caused the death of her child. Knowing how this woman "felt" (guilt, remorse, sorrow), the faith healer told her she could make amends by contributing $10,000 to her fund to blah blah.
While Ram Dass mentions physical acts -- catching someone who's about to fall, or helping someone get their car out of a ditch -- there are other ways you can help others which may actually take more effort and forethough. Let's look at some positive examples of how to use this empathic information to help, not just with an obstacle, but with the person's feelings about themselves.
Kevin's Mom
Kevin's mom came from a wealthy family, but has fallen upon hard times. Instead of shopping at Saks, she now shops at thrift stores. After years of sending other family members plane tickets to make important weddings and funerals, she can no longer provide her own.
When a wedding in the family was announced, Kevin sent his Mom a plane ticket and a check for $200 along with a note saying, "You've helped so many of us, Mom, now it's my turn. Here's a plane ticket to Francine's wedding, and I tucked in a little check for you to buy a new outfit. I know you love to shop, and I'll feel good making this possible. Get something smashing."
Juanita's Grandson
Ethan suffered a stroke when he was an infant that left him partially paralyzed on one side. Sometimes (but not always) when he gets up to run across the room, he falls flat on his face.
Juanita says, helping him up without making a big deal of it, "Sometimes the legs don't work, darling. That's why Nana uses a cane. Now let's get that ice cream. Ready?" Ready?"
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Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence."
I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ.
Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines.
For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.
Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand.
~ Neil Armstrong ~
Born August 5, 1930
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Last updated March 16th, 2005
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