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	How to Tell What They Really Meant Part 2 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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How to Tell What They Really Meant
Part 2
by Susan Dunn

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Someone told me the other day how much they liked doing phone work. I agreed with her, saying that it filtered out a lot of distractions. "Yeah," she said, "all those things I'm imagining that aren't really going on."

So how do we quit imagining and figure out what the nonverbal message meant? It takes practice. You begin with self-awareness - noticing your own nonverbal reactions. Start paying attention to the things YOU do in the course of communicating. Notice when you move, when you change your facial expression, what you do with yours hands. Then hook it up with what was going on, to explain why you do these things.

Next, start observing more in others. Facial expressions and gestures can be tricky, especially if you're in a multicultural situation. A sign of peace in one country is a gross obscenity in another. Some cultures are more facially expressive than others. A smile can mean "I agree" in one country, while in another country, direct disagreeing isn't permitted, so a smile is just a convention.

You can study nonverbal expressions through photographs by accessing some of the sites on the Internet.

Then start asking more questions when it's appropriate. And it may always be appropriate as far as that goes. As my friend said . we imagine. Nobody likes to feel like you're "mind-reading," and the more important the conversation, the more important that you check out what you think the other person meant, or said, or implied. When we assume, we can get into trouble.

In fact you should check in from time-to-time just to see if they're still paying attention. For instance someone who interviews people all day long tends to tune out if you talk more than 90 seconds.

Interjecting things such as "Was that what you had in mind?" or "Am I addressing the point in a way that's helpful?" can bring the other person back. Your reading of nonverbal communication will tell you they've left when their eyes glaze over.

If you see a shift in the nonverbal that concerns you, note it, think about it, and then respond appropriately. It's important to observe what's going on in the other so you can keep the conversation on course. It's part of Emotional Intelligence, social skills and good manners.

For instance, one person may want to hear all the details of your surgery, while it may be too much for another. You may need to vent your spleen about your ex-spouse or your boss, but the listener may find it too intense and become uncomfortable. If you're getting "warding off" signals, back off.

In negotiations and sales, you must be alert to changes that can signal you're using the wrong approach so that you can reorient and try something different.

Being able to read nonverbal communication effectively is important to your social and professional relationships. It will affect your ability to be intimate, to sustain friendships, to influence people, and to succeed in your career.

(c) 2004 Susan Dunn, All rights reserved

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Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.

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Last updated June 17th, 2005

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