Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
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	How to Hint Properly Part 1 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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How to Hint Properly
Part 1
by Susan Dunn

Page: 1 2

Currently circulating the Internet is "Man's Rules". The sender requests you send it on to all females, so that women will "finally understand men." It's a list of things men want women to understand, and like all humor, it makes a point. Then again to men it might not be so humorous.

And here we go on communication ...

Point number 6 is: "Ask for what you want. Let us be perfectly clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Hints DO NOT WORK!"

So I could end the article here, except this isn't about male and female communication, it's about hints. It's about communication.

ABOUT COMMUNICATION

It is much harder than it appears to be. Assume you're being misunderstood, and also assume you are misunderstanding are good basic assumptions to make.

The more you care about the person and the relationship the harder it is to be direct, because the stakes of the turndown are higher. Men aren't the only sex that doesn't get "hints" Hints DO NOT WORK. Now let me elaborate.

HARD & HARDER

We need to get something straight from the beginning. All the coaching, all the psychology, all the Charm School, all the Emotional Intelligence, all the seminars, lessons and eBooks in the world will not get you what you want all the time.

That's a sad fact of life. So the more you want it, and the more you want it from a certain person, the more the risk in asking for it.

There are many situations where we feel we MUST have something. A compliment, a reassurance or a word of comfort from our partner. A project deadline met at work. A contract signed. A larger part of the pie. For our child to wear the pink dress instead of the dirty blue jeans. A date. A marriage.

Never is it guaranteed. The more vague and "hinty" you are about it, the less likely you are to get it however. Here's one reason why.

If the person has it to give, and wants to give it, they'll give it. If not, they won't. Any 'vagueness' leaves you in that territory where they can pretend to give you something you pretend you want. And ah, the resentment.

It's easier in the long run. Take your "nos" upfront and move on. Either into a more convincing argument, or on to another source, or downgrading the "need" to a "preference."

MEN & HINTS

I don't see this as particular to the male of the species. It can exist between the sexes, that's for sure, but I'm afraid to break the news that I think it happens between all people.

I've had male bosses tell me things that were completely incomprehensible to me. They might as well have been "hints" for all the sense they made. I consider, "Produce a pleading," when I don't know what a "pleading" is to be "hint."

Just because women are traditionally ahead in empathy and in the area of personal relationships, we consider asking for nurturing or comfort to be hints, but it doesn't remain just with females.

Page: 1 2

Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified.
~ Samuel Johnson ~
Born September 18, 1709

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Last updated June 19th, 2005

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