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Soul Catcher: A Journal to Help You Become Who You Really Are
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	You Are Being Watched Part 2 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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You Are Being Watched
Part 2
by Susan Dunn

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The assistant had sensitive neck muscles, so the massage caused pain instead of relief. It was also distracting. Also, because of the statement, she had to worry about her boss' feelings as well as her own plus do the job.

The assistant turned, drew a deep breath and said, with a big smile on her face, "I appreciate the massage, but it hurts and it's distracting. I'm trying to concentrate. I'm not angry at being asked to do this, and not angry at you. What I am is frustrated because ..." and she listed the chronic computer inadequacies. "What would help," she said, "is if you would ..." and gave her boss something concrete to do that would forward the task.

Later, when the job was finished, they took up the conversation again. "I like to shine," the assistant said, "and I can't when I don't have the proper equipment."

The boss made a note to address that problem.

Processing Emotionally-Laden Events

The same scenario is played out daily in every office. There's no way two people won't be affected by the feelings of the other; and, counter-intuitively, if one is trying to hide feelings, the effect is even greater. The less they're expressed, the more they'll be open to misinterpretation.

We can't know what's going on with someone else unless we ask. In today's multicultural offices, it's particularly dangerous to assume the meaning of an action, gesture or expression. Did you know that in the Middle East, one of the most insulting things you can do is show another person the sole of your shoe?

Tell that to the lawyer whose office I entered the other day, who routinely talks on the phone with his feet on the desk, soles pointing toward the incoming visitor!

Only a discussion about what's going on can get us inside one another's mind and heart. In the heat of the moment, such a discussion may have to be postponed, but for good relationships and learning, it does need to take place. The feelings need to be addressed, and the often-misinterpreted nonverbal displays untangled.

Intentionality

If you want to model good deeds for your child, and make a cake to bring to an ailing neighbor, be sure you address all parts of the action, e.g., make sure you're teaching what you mean to be teaching. This is Intentionality, an EQ competency.

If you perform the act begrudgingly, as some sort of onerous "duty," throwing the ingredients together and complaining the whole time about how overworked you are, you will have defeated your deeper purpose. Unless you mean to teach that life is about detrimental self-sacrifice and suffering.

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Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
~ J. D. Salinger ~
Born January 1, 1919

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Enchanted Spirit is a non-denominational spiritual center of healing, support, self-improvement, personal guidance, education and writing. We publish multi-media works of New Age thought and information to encourage serenity and growth in individual life choices, advance the universal search for life's meaning, and promote tolerance for positive ideas from all philosophies and religious traditions, believing as we do that truth is where you find it.

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Last updated July 9th, 2005

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