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	When It's Time to Say Goodbye Part 2 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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When It's Time to Say Goodbye
Part 2
by Susan Dunn

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But that's not to say that mammals don't suffer from loss or separation from loved ones. I remember watching on the Discovery channel the documentary of an adolescent male monkey who, when his mother died, crawled up to the top of a tree and literally pined away, refusing food and consolation, both of which were offered by caring adult monkeys, refusing, ultimately, to continue living without her.

Music is good for this sort of grieving because it circumvents the left brain, that tyrant that wants to "understand" and uses words. There is no understanding why she left, in the last analysis, or why he was run over by a car, or why the deal didn't go through, or why the house burned down, and even understanding (she was 89 and had cancer) doesn't help. You can torment yourself with "I should have known," and "why didn't he tell me .. wait, did he tell me and I missed it" and "was it some word spoken in anger or in jest". I have seen people torment themselves for years over the "why" and come out at the same point. Sadly, it is "just because."

Losing a loved one has a physiological component for us as well that can't be gotten around. We suffer when we lose someone we've become "attached" to and our bodies go into revolt. We can't sleep or eat, or we sleep and eat all day. We have a knot in the pit of our stomach and a lump in our throat. The vagus nerve that runs from the brain to the intestines, the origination of the term "gut feeling," is why, when we suffer in our minds, we get digestive problems. Our emotions are in every cell of our body.

After the resignation, the giving up of hope, must come the grieving. It is hard work, it takes time, and it has its own pace.

And if you've said goodbye before, the good news and the bad news is that you know what goes with it. Bad news because "here it comes." Good news because you know it gets smaller, less intrusive, with time. "Soon she will just be someone I used to love," says my suffering client Jim, whose wife left him.

You can harden your heart, of course, if you fail to deal with the grief, trading, again, present relief for long-term agony.

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Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.

In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
~ John von Neumann ~
Born December 28, 1903

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Last updated July 7th, 2006

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The Power of Patience: How to Slow the Rush and Enjoy More Happiness, Success, and Peace of Mind Every Day
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