The Reading Room -- Dating -- The Bitter Truth -- Part 2

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	Dating The Bitter Truth Part 2 by Susan Dunn Momentum Coaching
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

Astrology Tarot New Age (Home) / The Reading Room

Internet Dating for the Midlife Woman

Susan Dunn Contents

Trapped in the Mind Box

Dating
The Bitter Truth
Part 2
by Susan Dunn

Page: 1 2

THE MALE SIDE

If you're a guy, think it over especially carefully. Typically men take longer to process emotions and can take hours to figure out what they were feeling at the time, author of "What Could He Be thinking?" When the thought "I can't stand her crooked teeth" pops into your mind, let it stay right where it is. It could be indigestion.

There's also that "honor code" thing. You know it's gotten you in trouble in the past. Why do you keep doing it? That's not smart.

If she asks you if those pants make her butt look fat, tell her she's beautiful and you love her. That's not a lie; it's answering the question she's really asking. You're big enough to do that, aren't you, to put her feelings above your logical assessment of what you consider to be a factual matter? You aren't after all, the World Authority on Pants That Make Women's Butts Look Fat.

THE FEMALE SIDE

If you're a woman, beat the mothering out of yourself and censor your criticisms. He's not your kid, he's a grown male. If you have a list of 25 grooming and dressing aids he needs to adopt, and it's growing, STOP. If there's that much wrong with him, just leave. If you're preparing to remake him to fit your mold, I hope he leaves you.

If every encounter involves something he's said or done wrong, get your boundaries back. Are you a miserable person who's assuming he's going to make you happy so he must say exactly what you want, when you want it, and how you want it? Catching him doing it right and reinforcing this behavior works a lot better than nagging.

IS IT 'GOOD ENOUGH' OR IS IT OVER?

Finding a partner means dating imperfect people, just like yourself. Be after "good enough," not "perfect. At no stage in the relationship is the other person "yours" to redo,

When you know this isn't the person for you, exit gracefully. There's no reason to leave mass destruction behind when you do. After all, it's over, so there's no need to go into a litany of things you found wrong with him, nor, for that matter, the things you found right.

If you cared enough about the person to get involved with them in the first place, there were plenty of things about them you did like. Saying, "I'd still like us to be friends," doesn't help. Saying, "But you like to sleep til noon and I like to get up at 6:00 a.m." doesn't quite cover it. Airing your list of grievances is like rubbing salt into the wound, but at this point, so is airing your list of affirmations.

And, yes, we don't have to believe or accept what other people say about us, but we don't have to hear it, either, if you practice discretion.

Remember what you once felt, or your compassion for people in general, and pray for something to say that's kind and respectful and will preserve the dignity of both of you. Then bless the relationship, let it go, and leave the brutal honesty for brutes.

(c) 2004 Susan Dunn, All rights reserved.
Page: 1 2

Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.

Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.

It is by its promise of a sense of power that evil often attracts the weak.
~ Eric Hoffer ~
Born July 25, 1902

Internet Dating for the Midlife Woman

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Trapped in the Mind Box

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