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Facing the Holidays When You or Your Loved One Has Lost a Child |
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Facing the Holidays When You or Your Loved One Has Lost a Child
Together We Will Speak His Name
Part 1
by Susan DunnIf you've lost a child, it is "facing" the holidays. Yes, it's an ordeal, hopefully less as time goes by, but there is no guarantee, and meanwhile, this holiday must be "gotten through."
I remember leaving the doctor's office weeks before the first Christmas without my son, and he called out, "Have a Merry Christmas." It was inconceivable. If you've been there, you know.
If you've lost a child, or love someone who has, here's a look inside the heart of other grieving parents from the ALNF (Always Loved, Never Forgotten) website for grieving parents. If you're the parent, you may feel less alone. If you're the helper, you may gain some valuable insights.
Now Let Us Say His Name
The most wonderful thing a parent can hear is the name of the child who is gone. It may seem to you like the worst thing to bring up, and it may bring tears, but it also brings immeasurable joy.
One parent wrote about their child's funeral, where the minister asked the congregation at the end to please stand and say together the child's name ... Samuel Chester Dunn II." I ADD the name of my own child who died, a young adult, because I know how I feel when someone says his name. My son has been gone for 4 years now, but I speak with parents whose children have been gone much longer who feel the same way.
When I sit down at the holiday table, Chet is beside me, within me, and all around me.
He's different ages -- maybe the chubby toddler in the blue jamies who had me sing "Frostie the 'Noman" every night until Easter; maybe the young adult of our last Christmas together, when we enjoyed a dinner out with a video show of Christmas carols; maybe the middle-schooler singing in the Boys Choir Christmas concert, like the angel he was.
I have a little friend who sits beside me often at holiday tables, who "knows," as children "know," and says, "Would Chettie have liked the mashed potatoes?" and my heart swells. I may have tears in my eyes as I reply, "Yes, sweetheart, Chettie would've loved the mashed potatoes," but I am comforted in a way I can't express.
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, Susan Dunn. Bringing the power of Emotional Intelligence to YOUR life through coaching, eBooks, and distance learning. Midlife, retirement and transition coaching, career and relationships. Email for free EQ ezine. Want to be a certified EQ Coach? Email for information on this fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Products available for licensing to build your practice. Visit the best ebook library on the Internet - EBook Library.
Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence." I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ. Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines. For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
~ George Bernard Shaw ~
Born July 26, 1856
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