The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
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	Aries Astrology Self Improvement for Aries Getting Past the Arguments Resolving Conflict In Your Relationship Part 1 by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist Kali Munro
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Getting Past the Arguments
Resolving Conflict In Your Relationship
Part 1
by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist

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One of the hardest things to handle in a relationship is conflict. While a good and fair fight can clear the air and help you to feel closer to your lover, many fights are just hurtful and destructive. Fights that never go anywhere, that are repeated year after year, or that leave you feeling awful about yourself are not going to help your relationship.

Those are the kinds of fights we need to take another look at, and find out what is going on underneath. This is true for any conflict that doesn't feel right, not just those you have with your lover.

With most fights, there are layers of what we mean, feel, intend, hope for, and believe, and what we actually say. We may only say a little of how we feel, or we may even say the opposite of how we're feeling on a much deeper level than the surface. Problems arise when we don't come from the deeper levels.

Some people think that the top layer of what they feel and think is all that there is, yet they feel something's missing in their relationship. Others know how they feel, but instead of stating that it is their own feelings, they blame how they feel on their lover, leading to hurt feelings and arguing that goes nowhere. This is often the time that people call it quits on a relationship.

Many break-ups occur because we do not know how to get to our inner depth, or getting to it, how to share it. What we want to say isn't what comes out of our mouths. We argue about something meaningless in order to get space from our lover, rather than feel the anxiety or fear we may have about setting boundaries or looking at what we need.

We argue to feel more alive, instead of looking at what is missing in our life. We argue about what our lover spent money on, rather than face our own issues about money. We argue as a way to control our lover, rather than face our fear of being controlled.

Regardless of the content of the argument, until we are prepared to express and respect our lover's deeper feelings, beliefs, and meanings (and s/he respects ours), very little change can take place.

We can work around our lover's "sensitive points," expect them to do the same for us, and make compromises, but how far does that really take us? While problem-solving can help, particularly in the immediate future, often it isn't enough for the long run. As long as the deeper issues remain unaddressed, our relationship will be flattened, soured, or lost to meaningless fights.

So how do you get underneath the arguments? By being vulnerable and risking being as open and as honest about yourself as you can with your lover. Take anything you argue about and ask yourself what is upsetting you. Usually people will respond with answers that are about their lovers - s/he spends too much money, s/he is defensive, s/he doesn't listen to me. Now try asking yourself the following questions:

• what about that bothers you?
• how do you feel about it?
• how do you react to it, and what does it mean to you?
• what if anything are you afraid of?
• what do you believe it means about you or your relationship?
• does it remind you of anyone?

Go to: Self-Improvement for Aries, Anger, Managing Conflict, Self-Improvement for Libra, Relationships, Self-Control

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(c) Kali Munro, All rights reserved.
Kali Munro

Are you looking for more information on Initiative, Assertiveness, Goal Setting, and Anger Management?

Aries is the astrology sign that deals specifically with Initiative, Assertiveness, Goal Setting, and Anger Management. Learn more about Aries.
The information here tells all about Aries Astrology.

Aries Horoscope

When you see something that is technically sweet,
you go ahead and do it and you argue about what to do about it
only after you have had your technical success.
That is the way it was with the atomic bomb.
~ J. Robert Oppenheimer ~
Leader of the Manhattan Project, which developed the atomic bomb
Born April 22, 1904

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Last updated May 6th, 2008

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The Hidden Messages in Water
By
Masaru Emoto