Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
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The Way of Four: Create Elemental Balance in Your Life
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Deborah Lipp

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	Should I End This Relationship? Part 2 by Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Inner Bonding
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Should I End This Relationship?
Part 2
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Page: 1 2

As victims, they are afraid of being rejected or controlled, and are behaving in ways to protect themselves from what they fear. All the ways they are trying to have control over not being rejected or controlled are creating the relationship problems.

Until you become aware of how you are being a victim and how you are trying to control your partner - and you are successful in taking care of your own feelings and needs -there is no point in leaving.

Most people who are unhappy in their relationship are reactors. They are reacting to the other person's controlling behavior with their own controlling behavior. For example:

~ When Jacob criticizes her, Hannah shuts down. When Hannah shuts down, Jacob criticizes.

~ When Sally gets angry at Joe, Joe defends, lectures and explains himself. When Joe lectures, Sally gets angry and resistant.

~ When Robert is demanding, Ingrid gives herself up to comply with Robert's demands. The more Ingrid complies, the more Robert demands.

~ When Michele complains, Hugh resists. The more Hugh resist, the more Michele complains.

~ When Craig acts like an irresponsible child, Karen becomes parental and judgmental. The more Karen is parental and judgmental, the more Craig is resistant and irresponsible.

Each of these people are reacting in controlling ways, rather than acting in ways that take loving care of themselves. Both people are participating in creating a negative circle.

Generally, they then blame the other for their own reaction: "If you wouldn't criticize, then I wouldn't withdraw." "Well, if you wouldn't withdraw, then I wouldn't criticize." "If you weren't so resistant, I wouldn't get angry." "If you weren't so angry, I wouldn't resist."

If they were to act in loving ways toward themselves rather than react in controlling ways toward their partner, then:

~ When Jacob criticized, Hannah might speak up for herself instead of shutting down, saying something like, "Jacob, I don't like being criticized. I'm not willing to have this discussion until we can be open with each other."

When Hannah shut down, Jacob could be curious instead of critical, saying something like, "Honey, you must have a good reason for withdrawing from me. Do you want to talk about it?"

~ When Sally got angry, Joe could disengage from the conversation instead of trying to talk her out of her feelings. He would give up trying to have control over Sally's anger and how she sees him and take care of himself.

When Joe tried to control Sally with his lecturing and explaining, instead of trying to control him with her anger, Sally could speak up for herself, telling Joe that she doesn't like it when he tries to talk her out of her feelings.

There is no point in leaving a relationship until you have learned act in ways that are loving to yourself and your partner, instead of reacting in controlling and resistant ways. Leaving only delays this learning until your next relationship.

Page: 1 2

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: Inner Bonding
or email: margaret@innerbonding.com

Are you looking for more information on Relationships, Cooperation, Teamwork, Diplomacy, Negotiation, and Cultural Issues?

Libra is the astrology sign that deals specifically with Relationships, Cooperation, Teamwork, Diplomacy, Negotiation, and Cultural Issues. Learn more about Libra.
The information here tells all about Libra Astrology.

Libra Horoscope

I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along." It isn't that I can't toddle. It's that I can't guess I'll toddle.
~ Robert Benchley ~
Born September 15, 1889

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Last updated September 30th, 2004

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The Astrological Guide to Seduction and Romance: How to Love Libra, Turn on a Taurus, and Seduce a Sagittarius
By
Susan Sheppard