Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
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Rebecca Brents

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If God Hears Me, I Want an Answer!
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Barbara Rose

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	Responding to Criticism Without Being Defensive Part 2 by Sharon Ellison Powerful Non-Defensive Communication
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Responding to Criticism Without Being Defensive
Part 2
by Sharon Ellison

Page: 1 2 3

What I think we can do instead is to separate the tone of the judgment from the content of what is being said. We can say to Ginny, "If you don't want peas, I still want you to tell me gently." Or, "If you speak to me harshly, then I'm not going to answer. If you speak respectfully, I'll talk to you about this."

Then, if that child, teen or adult offspring does talk without harsh judgment, we can, if it is appropriate, offer to discuss the situation. In this way, we can not only refuse to cave in to undue criticism, we can model for our children how to (a) talk about what they need and feel without being judgemental, and (b) respond with a blend of firmness and openness even when someone speaks harshly to us or them.

Couples: Avoid the "Pay-Back" When One of You "Gets Critical"

When we are in intimate relationships, we often have a "ledger of offenses" that we have accumulated with each other. And what I do that offends you often prompts the reaction in you that offends me. So when you criticize me, your partner, it reminds me of what you do that "makes" me react that way.

And so the counterattack game begins. "Well, I wouldn't have to react this way if you didn't always . . ." Or, "Look at you criticizing me for having a double standard. Haven't you ever looked in a mirror?!"

Instead, if we listen to the feedback, however judgmental it sounds, and figure out whether we think it applies to us or not, then we don't have to retaliate immediately and intensify the conflict.

Later, during the same conversation, or perhaps even at another time, we can ask the other person (if we are sincerely curious and not point-proving) "Do you think your sarcasm (for example) contributed in any way to how I reacted?" Or, "Do you think you ever (for example) have double standards-or do you think you don't?"

We can bring up related issues, if we create a transition period and deal first with the one our partner brought up.

To remain non-defensive, we must separate how we take accountability ourselves from whether or not the other person chooses to do so at any given moment. When we need to prove our partner is as "bad as we are" or worse, we are neck-deep in the muck of power struggle.

In non-defensive communication, we address the issue the other person has brought up trusting that we can bring up our own issue later. Doing so can give both partners a "hearing aid."

Page: 1 2 3

This article is based on the book Taking the War Out of Our Words by Sharon Ellison, available through your local bookstore or favorite online bookseller. Sharon Ellison, M.S. is an award winning speaker and international consultant.

Visit her website at: Powerful Non-Defensive Communication

Are you looking for more information on Relationships, Cooperation, Teamwork, Diplomacy, Negotiation, and Cultural Issues?

Libra is the astrology sign that deals specifically with Relationships, Cooperation, Teamwork, Diplomacy, Negotiation, and Cultural Issues. Learn more about Libra.
The information here tells all about Libra Astrology.

Libra Horoscope

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
~ Robert Benchley ~
Born September 15, 1889

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Last updated December 21st, 2003

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Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don't Know What to Say
By
Nance Guilmartin