Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
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Rebecca Brents
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Dating a Divorced Guy
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Page: 1 2
Has this happened to you?
Scenario Number 1
Linda was visiting friends in Seattle and they fixed her up with Robert for a date. He suggested they have lunch and then he wanted to show her the tourist district. Of course it was one shop after another.
Assuming that if she appeared interested in something, he would buy it for her, Linda kept it low key as they browsed through the beautiful shops. Then something caught her eye and she couldn't conceal it: a silly toy she knew her grandson would like. She picked it up, laughed, they played with it, and then she put it back.
"Oh, go ahead and get it!" Robert said, and his hand reached automatically for his back pocket, but then he turned away.
Linda went ahead and picked up the toy and they headed for the checkout counter. Suddenly Robert looked confused and fell back behind her, making sure she approached the counter first and alone. In other words, he made it clear he was NOT going to buy this $6 toy for her. You could almost see him fighting with himself!
Scenario Number 2
A couple of dates into a new relationship and Ted and Shannon were discussing what they liked.
"Attention," said Shannon.
"How much attention?" Ted asked, warming to the occasion.
"Lots sometimes," Shannon said. "It varies. But I like attention from you." (He had mentioned earlier, and she knew from friends that his former wife ignored him, worked all the time, and ultimately had an affair and left him.)
Shannon smiled, wanting him to know how much she liked him, and he smiled back. Then there was a pause.
A crestfallen face (remembering) was followed by a mask (hurting) as Ted delivered this door-slammer: "Sometimes you don't get what you like."
What's going on here? It happens to all of us! DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!
Men know what women like and they're naturally inclined to do it. It's kind of natural with guys to want to give. But what's happened is, this guy has done all this before and it didn't work out.
Now when he has the impulse to do something nice, he's thinking, "I did that before and what I got was divorced. I'm not falling for that one again!" or "IIf I buy her something, she'll walk all over me like my ex-wife did."
Robert was really happy when he was thinking about buying the toy for Linda. It showed all over his face. Then he remembered something, and he stopped himself.
BTW, this isn't about the "buying," it's about giving. Needless to say Linda has $6 to buy the toy; she'd gotten herself to Seattle after all! It's Linda's pleasure to receive gifts when they're given to her. It's part of the give-and-take of relationships. She might offer to buy coffee and dessert later. It starts the "we" thing going.Page: 1 2
Susan Dunn, MA, Clinical Psychology, The EQ CoachT, Susan Dunn. Susan is the author of "How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence."
I offer coaching around emotional intelligence for career, relationships, resilience (the skill for this decade), transitions, retirement, and personal and professional development. I train managers and coaches to teach EQ.
Mailto: sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZines.
For free daily tips on how to develop your EQ, send blank email to: EQ4U.
Are you looking for more information on Relationships, Cooperation, Teamwork, Diplomacy, Negotiation, and Cultural Issues?
Libra is the astrology sign that deals specifically with Relationships, Cooperation, Teamwork, Diplomacy, Negotiation, and Cultural Issues. Learn more about Libra.
The information here tells all about Libra Astrology.
Libra Horoscope
There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.
~ George Sand ~
Born July 1, 1804
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Last updated October 28th, 2004
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