The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
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Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain: How a New Science Reveals Our Extraordinary Potential to Transform Ourselves
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	Virgo Astrology Self Improvement for Virgo How to Cope With Criticism The Motives Behind Criticism Part 1 by Joy Cagil
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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How to Cope With Criticism
The Motives Behind Criticism
Part 1
by Joy Cagil

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Criticism is hard to take. When faced with criticism unawares, our first reaction -- usually -- is getting defensive. Next may be denial, thinking we are not guilty of what we are criticized about. Then the feelings of anger at our critic and a counterattack may follow. Worse yet, we may withdraw and become despondent.

No matter what our internal or external reaction to criticism may be initially, it is important to understand our critic's intention, so his words do not hurt us or make us react in a destructive way. Intention is the most important clue behind anyone's behavior. Once the intention or the motive behind any action is understood, an appropriate response is easier to come up with.

Some of the motives of a person who criticizes may be negative. After all, we are all human beings and most of us do carry emotional baggage around. Then, we look for a convenient place to unload, even if momentarily and at someone else's expense. Let's take a look at the negative motives first.

Negative Motives are:

• To induce guilt inside the criticized person: The goal here is to manipulate a person to do one thing or another by using his guilt feelings.

• To get even: A person thinks we, knowingly or unknowingly, hurt him, and he attacks through criticism to hurt us back. In other words, he is in the punishment business.

• To be in control: The criticizing person wants to dominate or enhance his power over us. He doesn't stop to listen to our statement. He cuts our explanation in half and continues criticizing our actions, ideas, or whatever it is he is criticizing.

• To put us in a lower stature and show us --- and to himself as well --- that he is the boss: In this case, the critic acts this way from feelings of incompetence or lack of experience, especially if he is in a new managerial position, to cover up for whatever he thinks is lacking in him.

• To put down what's good in us, so what he has looks better: This may hurt us the most because we may not be aware of his offhand remarks or being criticized because the criticism here is constant and is given in tiny bites. In time, this type of criticism dampens our self-esteem and self-confidence and we end up having to deal with diminished enthusiasm and personal power.

• To change us: This person is never content with what there is unless he changes it in some way. Even if we are content with who we are, he wants to change us anyway without a good reason. Most of the time, this changer type starts in small ways just like a put-downer, but the changer's behavior stems from trying to organize something internal and needing change inside himself rather than the person his criticism is directed at.

• To evade an issue by getting us off track: This type of a person criticizes in order to cover up for something or to divert attention from a negative inquiry about himself. This type of behavior is called a politician's technique. When a politician attacks the press for its ills, for example, the press will be put in a defensive position and the attention on the politician's shortcomings will be diverted.

• To undermine our success if we are in a better position than him: This type of criticism comes suddenly, jokingly, and in a low dose, so it isn't noticeable. It is aimed at lowering the rate of success in another person.

• To get a laugh: Some people like to be the clown of the group, and therefore, to maintain the attention on themselves. They throw tiny criticisms around since imperfections are easy to find in anyone. Usually this behavior is for releasing aggression as well as for getting a laugh.

• To vent feelings: This type of criticism comes in outbursts from a person who is letting off steam after a tiring experience or being under great pressure. He doesn't necessarily mean bad and understanding his frustrations would help in dealing with his criticisms.

• Positive Motives: It is more important to recognize positive motives than to understand negative ones, because positive motives help us grow. When criticism with a positive motive is cast our way, first thing we may notice is the gentle delivery of it. Granted, not everyone is well-versed in gentle delivery, but we have to look to see if the criticism is inviting us to improve in some way.

Joy Cagil is an author on a site for Writing.Com Her education is in foreign languages and linguistics. In her background are varied subjects such as psychology, humanities, mental health, women's issues, and visual arts. Her portfolio can be found at Writing.com

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Are you looking for more information on Work, Service, Job Issues, Colleagues, Pets, Health, and Lifestyle?

Virgo is the astrology sign that deals specifically with Work, Service, Job Issues, Colleagues, Pets, Health, and Lifestyle. Learn more about Virgo.
The information here tells all about Virgo Astrology.

Virgo Horoscope

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly
is to steal with good judgment.
~ John Billings ~
Born April 21, 1818

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Last updated January 27th, 2006

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Make Peace With Anyone: Breakthrough Strategies to Quickly End Any Conflict, Feud, or Estrangement
By
David J. Lieberman