Planets in Retrograde -- The Basics
By
Rebecca Brents
from the Mailbox
I stumbled across your site by accident about a year ago and admit to being a skeptic. Over the last year or so I have been stunned by the accuracy of your tarot predictions each week. This Sunday's prediction was for the end to financial hardship. On Monday I received an offer of employment which arrived after over a year of unemployment due to illness. Not only was it a job for which I am well qualified, but also a 40% pay increase over what I was earning before I became unwell, and working in an industry I had never before considered. This not the first time you have been correct -- you've predicted major arguments, frustrations, and unexpected travel. I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't more to tarot than meets the eye!
A visitor to Enchanted Spirit
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Are You a Trash Can for Others' Negativity?
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Astrology is for Skeptics
Real astrology doesn't tell you how to run your life.
It doesn't make your decisions for you.
It doesn't say you're consigned to a certain "fate."
Real astrology charts life's natural cycles.
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Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, "I'm no longer willing to be a trash can for others' negativity."
Wow!" I said. "I'm delighted to hear that! And I love that metaphor!
Carmen is a lovely, warm, intelligent and compassionate young woman in her late 20's. Coming from a very narcissistic mother, Carmen learned early in life to be safe from her mother's anger by listening to her mother's complaints. She learned to put aside her own feelings and be a mother to her mother. Of course, no matter how much she gave to her mother, it was never enough. It wasn't until Carmen started her inner work that she discovered was narcissism was.
Early in our work together, Carmen discovered that most of her friends were just like her mother. " I sit and listen to them complain or listen to them brag. They are never interested in me at all. If I say anything about myself, they always bring it right back to themselves. Why are so many of my friends like this?"
Because you are willing to listen without speaking up for yourself. There are many self-absorbed people, narcissistic people with entitlement issues, who just love it when someone is willing to listen to them. As long as you are willing to listen their complaints and support their self-centeredness, they will continue to do it.
But if I speak up, I won't have any friends.
Well, you might not have many friends for awhile, but eventually you will find new friends -- people who really care about you. When you are willing to care about yourself instead of putting yourself aside, you will attract people who care about you. But this will take time. You need to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. Do you think you are ready to do this?
Yes! I don't want to be a trash can anymore. I don't want people dumping their negativity onto me anymore.
How do you feel inside when you allow others to dump their negativity - their complaints, their anger, their self-centeredness and sense of entitlement onto you? If you really look inside instead of pushing your own feelings into a closet, you will discover that you feel really lonely with these people. There is no mutual support, no sharing of love, no mutual giving and receiving. You give and they take, and you end up feeling drained and lonely. Yet you hang in there for fear of being alone with no friends or no partner.
If you are really honest with yourself, you will find that it's not worth it -- that you deserve better than to be a trash can for others' negativity.
It takes faith and courage to speak up for yourself. It takes courage to say to your friend who is dumping her negativity onto you, "This doesn't feel good. Whenever we are together all you do is complain or talk on and on about yourself. You are never interested in me at all, and this is no longer okay with me. Either this needs to change or I don't want to spend time with you. It's not fun for me and I just end up feeling used and drained."
When you become willing to speak up for yourself, you will discover who really are your friends and who was just using you. Some people may say, "I'm so grateful you told me this. I didn't realize I was doing this. I want to stop, and I would appreciate your pointing it out to me next time I do it." Others will go into denial and say, "That's not true. I listen to you all the time." Others will just get angry and go away.
It's a great way to discover who your friends really are!
(c) 2006 Margaret Paul, All rights reserved.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: Inner Bonding
or email: margaret@innerbonding.com
Are you looking for more information on Friends, Social And Professional Network, Altruism, Ideals, Goals, Progressive Experimentation, and Independence?
Aquarius is the astrology sign that deals specifically with Friends, Social And Professional Network, Altruism, Ideals, Goals, Progressive Experimentation, and Independence. Learn more about Aquarius.
The information here tells all about Aquarius Astrology.
Aquarius Horoscope
Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart
whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education;
they grow there, firm as weeds among stones.
~ Charlotte Bronte ~
Author of Jane Eyre
Born April 21, 1816
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Last updated April 21st, 2006
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