Visiting Someone Who is Sick
Part 1
by Christine Miserandino

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I have unfortunately been on both sides of this article. I have spent time visiting friends and family when they have been sick, but I have more often been the patient everyone is visiting. Many of the visits went very well, but unfortunately others didn't go so well for them or me. Hopefully my mistakes or my tips from experience will help you. Visiting someone who is sick isn't always easy, but it can be an enjoyable time and it should primarily be a comfort for the patient.
Many family members and friends find it difficult to visit someone who is sick. If the person is in the hospital, it may be more difficult for some to visit because of past negative experiences they have had at a hospital. Many visitors are anxious or find it stressful to be around a patient because they are dealing with their own fears of sickness. It is natural to hesitate in seeing someone you love or care about, who is in pain or seriously ill. Unfortunately, many people end up not visiting, because they do not know what to do or say to help.
Most patients I have spoken to just want the company. They want to feel loved and thought about. They do not want to be forgotten, though they might be out of the "social loop".
I know when I was sick and had visitors it was a welcome distraction from the reality of what was going on. It was nice to at least try to forget and feel "normal" even for only a short time.
When visiting someone who is sick, here are some suggestions that may help both the visitor and the patient.
1. Before visiting the patient, phone ahead to let him or her know you are coming.
That is just plain common sense. Your friend or loved one will appreciate you finding out a convenient time to visit. Some times a patient has had too many visitors, has gone through painful treatments or just needs to nap. If the person is sick at home and being cared for by a caregiver, knowing when you are coming may give that person a chance to run errands or plan for some personal time alone. At least it will give them a chance to tidy up the room or help the patient get ready for your visit. I know I have wished people had called first when I was receiving visitors, because I might not have been dressed appropriately and a robe or change of clothes would have made me more comfortable, etc.
The simple act of a phone call creates the anticipation of a visit, something to look forward to. Calling in advance also puts the patient in charge. Being sick often results in a forced passivity. When you phone and ask if it is all right to visit, the patient is able to exercise some control in whether they feel up to visitors at that time.
2. Do your research.
If the person you are visiting is in a hospital or rehab facility, then call ahead to see when visiting hours are. Ask if there are any other restrictions. Some facilities do not allow children or pets. Find out if it is all right for the patient to receive flowers or food of any kind. You do not want to bring your friend's favorite brand of chocolate, only to find out that they are on a special diet and can not eat it right now. Inquire as to what you are allowed to bring. Can the patient eat food brought in from the outside? Can she have flowers, etc.? Some patients are very sensitive to perfumes or smells, so check if this is the case and leave those types of things at home. The most important point here is to ask questions.

Christine Miserandino is a writer, motivational speaker, and patient advocate from NY. She also happens to be someone who is living with Lupus. Her writing has been featured in numerous newspapers, magazines, medical newsletters and television media. Check out But You Don't Look Sick to read more of her articles, and to receive her monthly newsletter.
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