Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
By
Rebecca Brents
from the Mailbox
I stumbled across your site by accident about a year ago and admit to being a skeptic. Over the last year or so I have been stunned by the accuracy of your tarot predictions each week. This Sunday's prediction was for the end to financial hardship. On Monday I received an offer of employment which arrived after over a year of unemployment due to illness. Not only was it a job for which I am well qualified, but also a 40% pay increase over what I was earning before I became unwell, and working in an industry I had never before considered. This not the first time you have been correct -- you've predicted major arguments, frustrations, and unexpected travel. I'm beginning to wonder if there isn't more to tarot than meets the eye!
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I've been looking forward to sending you this email for years. I really wanted to let you know this, because your reading, advice and support meant so much to me as I was living through that life-changing time.
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Dealing with Intimidators
by Robert Najemy
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Some of us play the role of the Intimidator.
1. As intimidators, we control others by making them fear us. We keep them from requesting anything from us or controlling us in any way by making them afraid to approach us. We do this by shouting, accusing, perhaps even threatening physical violence. We use other people's fear and self doubt to control them.
2. For us, the others are always wrong, and if they do not shape up, we have every right to punish them. We are simultaneously the police, judge, jury and execution squad.
3. Another benefit we gain from playing this role is that we never have to look at ourselves or make personal changes, as "we are perfect" and the others are all wrong.
Some people combine the role of the victim and the interrogator, thus getting the double benefit of being right for two reasons. The misconception, however, is that whoever is the victim is right and whoever is the intimidator is right.
In order to cope with the intimidators in our lives, we will need to overcome our fear. This fear has its basis in childhood when a shouting parent was a real threat for many reasons: First of all, there might have been punishment and thus emotional or physical pain.
Secondly, all our security and survival were dependent on this person who was shouting and intimidating us. Thirdly, if this person was shouting in such a belittling way, we must have been wrong, evil, bad, and thus not worthy of love and respect.
Even as full-grown adults, our subconscious reaction tends to be fear and self-doubt when someone shouts at, accuses or intimidates us. I have seen comical situations in which a small-statured woman intimidates a man twice her size with her verbal and physical threats.
How would I like to react?
I would like to be able to overcome my fears and sit calmly until the other's rage has subsided while I remember that I am not in danger and that he is unhappy. The more he shouts the more I will feel compassion for him because he seems even more unhappy. I will try to understand what he really needs in this moment. I will seek to understand what fear is causing him to react in this way so I can help him feel safe and secure with me.
When he has calmed down, I will explain that I have no intention of hurting him or making him unhappy. However, if I do not fulfill my needs, I will be unhappy and will harbor negative feelings towards him.
I will suggest that we try again to discuss the subject and make a list of what each needs and think about how we can both be happy in this situation. I will also explain that I have no intention of giving in because he is shouting. I could however make numerous compromises out of love for him, if he would express what he needs from me.
I-message to an Intimidator
A possible communication with an intimidator might be the following:
"I need to discuss something with you. You know, there are times when I am afraid of you. When you raise your voice and threaten me, you stimulate old fears from my childhood years, which cause me to back down from confrontation with you. When I retreat, I suppress my needs and sometimes my values, and I lose my self-respect, feel injustice, and become angry with you. My heart closes and my love for you diminishes. There are even times when I consider revenge.
"With the way you act, you may get what you want from me at that moment, but you lose my love and respect."
"I have decided to try to overcome my fear and be more honest with you. I am going to try to express my needs and values even when you shout or intimidate me."
"I would like to ask for your help with this effort.
"I am very interested in helping you fulfill your needs. I believe we both can get what we want together. I would like to ask you to express your needs without threatening me. Simply tell me what you need from me. I, in response, will also express my needs to you. I believe we can find solutions without my fearing you and retreating when you threaten me.
"How do you feel about this idea?"
From the book Relationships of Conscious Love
by Robert Elias Najemy
Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books; sold over 100,000 copies.
His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at Amazon and from his own website: The Psychology of Happiness.
You can download FREE articles and e-books and get guidance at Holistic Harmony.
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Last updated April 6th, 2008
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