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	How To Do Active Listening Part 2 by Robert Najemy Holistic Hamony
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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How To Do Active Listening
Part 2
by Robert Najemy

Page: 1 2

This is a technique used by psychologists and psychotherapists to facilitate an individual's self-knowledge and transformation. It is also a technique used thousands of years ago by the philosopher Socrates to guide people to the truth within.

Use Of Active Listening

There are two situations where we use "Active Listening."

1. We need to close any I-message by the opening toward the other and giving him or her the opportunity to express his or her feelings, thoughts and needs concerning the matter we have presented. We now want to help the other to express his or her inner world so we can understand him or her more deeply and thus improve our relationship. This is an essential part of every I-message and also an essential part of communication.

2. We also employ active listening when the other person has a problem, feels unhappy or is dissatisfied with something. Here are two situations:

• The first is when the other's problem is not related to our behavior. In this case, rather than give advice, we can help the other much more efficiently by listening and asking questions that help him or her gain clarity and make their own decisions about possible solutions.

• The second is when we are "their problem." In such a case, we often get caught up in an emotional merry-go-round and lose sight of the fact that they have the problem, not us.

Our problem is that we do not like to be accused, criticized or made to feel guilty for what we may be doing that the other person is using to create unhappiness in him or herself. We often get lost in our hurt and defensiveness and begin the endless game of defending and counter-accusing, which leads to a complete break down in communication.

If we can remember at that moment that the other person has the problem and not identify with our personality that is being criticized or accused (imagine he or she is talking about someone else), we can respond with active listening, rather than excuses, self-defense and counter-accusations.

Through active listening, we can get a much clearer idea of what is really bothering the other person.

1. We may find he or she is right. We may find we were innocently unaware of how important something was to him or her.

2. By mutually exploring the problem in depth, the other person might realize it is his or her attachments and weaknesses that are causing the pain, not our behavior.

3. We may come to the realization that we have been so preoccupied with our own insecurities and needs that we have been truly inconsiderate of the other's needs and may want to thank him or her for pointing this out, before making the appropriate change in our behavior.

In other words, through actively listening at the moment when the other person has the problem, there will be communication, not the usual "melodramatic court case."

When we find ourselves with a person who is criticizing or accusing us, let us remember it is his or her problem. He or she is unhappy and disturbed about something that may or may not be our fault.

Rather than feel hurt and defensive, let us listen as though he or she is talking about someone else and ask as many questions as we can to help both of us understand the real problem more clearly. Then let us discuss what might be some of the possible solutions, i.e., changes in our behavior, in the other's programming or both.

From the book "Relationships of Conscious Love"
by Robert Elias Najemy

Page: 1 2

Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books; sold over 100,000 copies.

His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at Amazon and from his own website: The Psychology of Happiness.

You can download FREE articles and e-books and get guidance at Holistic Harmony.

Are you looking for more information on Ideas, Communication, Intellectual Development, and Mobility?

Gemini is the astrology sign that deals specifically with Ideas, Communication, Intellectual Development, and Mobility. Learn more about Gemini.
The information here tells all about Gemini Astrology.

Gemini Horoscope

A work is never completed except by some accident such as weariness, satisfaction, the need to deliver, or death.
~ Paul Valery ~
Born October 30, 1871

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Last updated May 27th, 2004

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Interpreting Tarot -- Reading the Book of Life
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Everyday Sacred: A Woman's Journey Home
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