The Circle of Life -- The Zodiac Signs and the New Moon's Journey
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The Call: Discovering Why You Are Here
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	Changing Have-Tos into Want-Tos by Kathy Gates Real Life Coach
Astrology, Tarot, and Self Improvement for the New Age.

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Changing Have-Tos into Want-Tos
by Kathy Gates

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Ever had an attack of the "have-tos"? "Have-tos" are an interesting phenomenon. They come in several variations, from haveta, gotta, need-to ... also sometimes referred to as "hate-tos".

The connotation of "have-to" makes me tired just to say it. It implies that I'm doing something I don't want to do. It implies that I'm being pressured by external sources, instead of inspired and motivated internally. It implies that I might push back. It implies that I will procrastinate. It implies that I definitely won't be happy while I'm doing it.

But "have-tos" are not necessarily the bad things that we make them out to be. "have-tos" can be your friends, if you are using them in a way that works FOR you instead of against you.

"Have-tos" relate to what you want in your life. I got up from my computer this morning, and mumbled "I have to go water the flowers." Now that's not exactly the truth. I do have options:

1. Let them die.

2. Install an automatic watering system.

3. Pay someone else to do it for me.

4. Delegate the job to someone else in the household.

5. Don't plant flowers in the first place.

My point is that IF I want flowers, I may "have to" water them, but that is part of the bigger picture. It's not a do or die situation. It's my choice.

You might say "I have to go buy groceries", or "I have to take out the trash", or "I have to brush my teeth". Those may not be things that are enjoyable to you, but you don't really HAVE to do any of them.

You may alienate members of your family, coworkers, or friends if you don't do them. But then... that's the bigger picture, isn't it? The "have-to" is a direct reflection of what you want.

We all have "have-tos" that aren't particularly thrilling in our life -- doing the breakfast dishes, running errands, paying bills, maybe mowing the lawn, and especially that once a year tax aggravation.

But what if, instead, we look at the bigger picture, instead of just the "have to" itself. For example, "I have to do the breakfast dishes." Yes, I have to, IF I want a clean sink, and IF I want clean dishes to eat off of again.

I consider this my contribution to a happy household. I consider it a role or responsibility that I negotiated, and that I accept as part of obtaining my ultimate goal... having a happy, comfortable family life.

I also "have-to" market my business -- definitely not the most fun I ever had. But if I want the business, if I want the customers, if I want to make my living this way, then I "have-to" do the marketing. But again I have options: 1. I can let go of the business. 2. I can hire someone to help me. 3. I can delegate the job to another person in the business.

A friend recently said to me "I can't go to the movies with you, I have to pay the rent." Does she really "have-to" pay the rent? No. She too has options:

1. She could move to a cheaper place so that she has extra money.

2. She could get a better job.

3. She could mooch off her friends.

The point is that she is making choices about how she spends her money, and about how that money gives her the most pleasure. It's not that she "can't" go to the movies -- it's that the higher goal (living in the house she wants) gives her more pleasure than the movies.

"Have-tos" are a part of life. Instead of looking at them as drudgery, or work, or struggle, remember to consider the bigger picture.

Kathy Gates is a Professional Life Coach in Scottsdale Arizona. What is Life Coaching? Your life -- only easier, happier, more joyful! She is also the author of several eBooks designed to help people live easier lives, such as, "Real Life Solutions: Simple Strategies that Making Living Life Less of a Hassle". That ebook is available here: Real Life Coach.

Learn more about how to create a simpler, less stressful, more joyful lifestyle. Visit Real Life Coach for products and services and sign up for her newsletter.

My father taught me that a bill is like a crying baby and has to be attended to at once.
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
Born June 22, 1906

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Last updated September 23rd, 2004

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